I went to church tonight.
Yeah, you heard me. I went to church tonight.
And not just any church, no no. A charismatic Roman Catholic mass. A live band. Clappy and singing. Offering hands to the Lord.
I am saved, brothers and sisters!
Fuck. Me. Sideways.
One of the strangest things I have done in quite a while (and, believe me, my quota of strange things I have done is an impressive resume).
So, here's the deal. I encountered a very eloquent street preacher who invited me to the mass. And - as an agnostic - I am in the business of knocking on doors and asking questions.
What was the worst that could happen? I would find the Lord!!!
What was the most probable outcome? It would be an interesting social experiment.
Dear brethren, I can tell you - yea verily - it was the latter.
I spent the entire mass watching everyone else because it was so fucking strange. I've been to Anglican services where the folk sing proper hymns; this was like a failed Christian rock band show.
Rest assured, I remain firmly on the fence. And I ain't going back for another mass.
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6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Love it! I occasionally go to Church because I love the theatre of it all. The choirs, the frankincense, the bread and blood, the bells. I love the homily and the readings and the hymns "O God Our Hope In Ages Past" and so on. If only I could believe the nonsense that it represents all would be well 
. As they say, the devil gets the best music!
Geoffrey51
Level 8
June 10, 2018
1
Exactly. And there is some lovely sacred music. Also, some lovely people at church. Standing up and sitting down in a ritual. The whole thing mystifies me.
@Palindromeman oh don't get me started on sacred music. I had a tape of some nuns (or female voices anyway) and in the true manner of cassette types it got mangled in the player. Couldn't find it anywhere to replace it. Oh the trauma! ?
@Geoffrey51 Bugger. You don't have to believe their can't to enjoy their music.
Too funny!!! I enjoyed the read. I haven't been to church in many years but I do have a friend who is a very liberal, professional storyteller and priest. I've thought about going to hear him and I'm sure it would be pleasantly entertaining and educational but nothing quite as entertaining as your experience. Wow!
CreativeTN
Level 5
June 10, 2018
1
Thank you! I suspect if I opened my heart to the Lord I would get "thanks, but that's a hard no."
Have you tried wandering around Skyclad in the woods with a bunch of Wiccans? That can be fun too and probably just as weird or weirder.
Surfpirate
Level 9
June 10, 2018
2
I like weird - I mean, I voluntarily went to a charismatic mass, so I think I've proven my bona fides - so wiccans might be next on my list.
I also read HP Lovecraft...
@Palindromeman The ones I have known over the years were good hearted people for the most part. Just think twice if they ask you to play the role of the Horned God at the winter solstice festival. 
@Surfpirate Oh, I was hoping that would mean that I would get laid. Damn it...
@Palindromeman You catch on quick, that would be part of the ceremony but it might involve all 13 of the coven which may require a little blue pill.
@Surfpirate Christ in a sidecar, talk about performance anxiety. 13? On one night? At my age, that just ain't gonna happen...
You poor guy. The worst thing you could possibly do is go to a charismatic Catholic mass with music. It's like eating tofu pastrami on white bread with Mayo. I'll tell you I would go to a black Baptist Church on any given Sunday. Doesn't matter to me that it makes no sense to me and has no meaning spiritually. It's the music and the joy! Praise the Lawd!
BurtsTime
Level 6
June 10, 2018
2
Tofu pastrami....delicious.....
Then I woke up.
I had only been to a charismatic service once before when I was at university. This was back around the time of the Napoleonic wars. Now, that was strange - people started talking in tongues. At least I was spared that last night.
Even in the 70s when charismatic Christianity was big, but still was a once every 20 years occurrence instead of a daily D.C. misery, I was able to miss the tent meetings and the speaking in tongues. I'm glad you were spared.
I was thinking about what I wrote. Going to a Baptist church and even participating in the clapping and singing is similar to having a bunch of children invite you to play with them in their fantasy "castle," i.e., a couple of sheets hung between two tree branches. You'd never say no to watching them laugh and giggle or chastise them for wasting time with a fantasy. Joy and community are good for you, even if it's not real.
What appeals to one may not appeal to another. I suspect that my reaction would be similar to yours.
tioteo
Level 8
June 10, 2018
2
Copy that. I prefer a dour Anglican service.
I was worried about you...until I read all the way to the bottom of your remarks.
nicknotes
Level 8
June 10, 2018
2
Yeah, I did wind up to it, didn't I?
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