My Dad would invite Jehovah Witnesses in for a drink. They respectfully declined and went to the next house.

I owned a huge doberman who was really great with people unless they rang the doorbell. One gorgeous spring day I left the front door open to let the fresh air in, with just the screen door hooked shut. Two Jehova Witnesses rang the doorbell and my dog launched himself through the house and hit that front door like he'd been shot from a cannon. Both boys leaped over the porch rail and were half way down the block before I made it from the kitchen to the front door. It was priceless.

I just told them that I was a Buddhist and an atheist, that we could certainly discuss God, that I'd start with why did a hypothetical creator give innocents painful diseases. Then they left, and they haven't been back...

This story was told to me years ago by my ex father in law. Some jehovah witnesses showed up at his house one day , asking if they could talk to him about God. He replied that they could if he could talk about sex. They left immediately.

I always say, "oh, no thank you, we're pagans."

Suppose you could always ask, "Ever wonder how many communion wagers Jeffrey Dahmer could eat?"

Answering the door completely naked. Listening to everything they had to say and then being turned down and given the hairy eyeball when I started making turned on groaning sounds and invited them in. It takes A LOT to get turned down when your soul is on the line. ?

(A visual) are jehovah's witessess all flat chested? (your pushing motion straight out) "Get off my porch! Get off my porch!"

I read a book written for the anniversary of "Jack the Ripper". Different theories included and a number of other serial murderers in Europe that were not famous. While doing the research writer talked to experts on the subject and obsessed with the subject fans. Included an encounter with an obsessed fan of serial murderers. He showed him his collection and memorabilia, all the stuff he collected and at some point the individual said... "You know something? I never seen a corpse still warm." Needless to say that is when the writer freaked out and left the place. I may start collecting stuff with that purpose. My brother in law had a fetish with switchblades, when he died we found like 20? What if I grab about 10 of then still around popping up and put some blood in the blades and have them easy access for when they come to visit. And I can start telling the story of every knife and how is "bad luck" to wash the blood of the blade and of course lay one pristine clean as I talk to them I keep looking at the pristine blade. Just saying... we can be very creative with help of Real Life Experience. I have rehearsed my face for the phrases... "Are you at this moment in good standing with your lord and creator?", "You worthy of heaven?", "Have you ever been knifed before?", "Do you want to?"

I tell them l am an Atheist right away. Not funny, except for the look on their faces, but effective.

A friend of mine has a mastiff. Big ol' sweatheart, not mean at all, but gets excited easily. He likes to remind solicitors that mastiffs were used to fight Christians in the Roman coliseums. I can never turn them away, though, as I have a time resisting cheap entertainment.

One time I had a bunch of Mormon kids (couple of teens and one younger child) show up on a beautiful summer Saturday morning...I always make it a point of being kind and compassionate towards them.

So, I explained to them what my view point was, and they were referencing the bible etc. I was basically talking about the importance of doubt and thinking for yourself, how you can be a good person without , and while the teens were resisting me well, the young boy’s eyes were as big as saucers with everything I was saying.

It’s not funny really but I always hope I started his questioning and free thinking with that brief encounter. I felt bad they weren’t out playing on that sunny day.

don't have one particular story, but as far as religious people in general that like to preach,. i say ya i have a religion Its called "Heavy Metal" that usually opens up more bs or they are rendered speechless

I had a jahovas witness come to the door and in the middle of asking me about Jesus, my 5 year old son ran in. In a demonic voice he says "I am the chosen one!" He hisses and slams the door in their face

I asked the gang of JW's nicely to leave, when they would not leave, I just told them to get the FUCK off of my property. That was over 15 years ago, they haven't been back since. I don't know if it's funny, but it's the one I have

I answer the door and tell them straight away I am a godless heathen. Then I just look at them.

They usually turn and run.

Umm..not sure if it was funny, I had a knock on my door, there were several people (Jehovah's witnesses) grandfather, son and grand children I assume, they showed me a pamphlet that had lions, tigers, sheep, and people relaxing on the grass. I asked them "Is this where you end up when you die?", and as soon as he said yes, I wished all of them die as soon as possible! I am lucky they didn't beat the sh*& out of me

My 10 year old saying “geez dad that was harsh “

If they knock on my door, I am going to ask them for a $10 loan. They know were I live, they know what time I am home, they can comeback next month to get their money. If they don't have it... ask them why not?

I walked up to a Salvation Army brass band, who were disturbing my peaceful Sunday morning and asked the band leader how long they were going to be.

I didn't appreciate those good people, dressed in their Victorian garb, wearing their self righteous smirks. I don't need saving.