Not how marriage works - you each need to have your own dreams and ambitions, and support each other in that.
But if you're not being treated well, or as an equal partner - that's not acceptable.
Sounds like time to reassess !

When a situation becomes intolerable, there is only one recourse: Break Loose.

I think we all have the same regrets when the veil is removed and reality kicks in in a relationship. The dissapointment hits home and is often for some difficult to relate to. Accusations fly and often self confidence is knocked, especially if in a controlling relationship where you are being blamed for everything. Finding a way to be comfortable with yourself is the answer and if someone else turns up who seems right, give it time to be sure.

Having been married twice and now at the tail-end of a third longterm relationship, I feel ya. Not quite the same with me though - the first one clearly thought I was something I wasn't and experienced the matrimonial equivalent of buyer's remorse. However, we're still friends and we have a great son together, so not too bad all in all. The second one, well, let's face it, I was still trying to fill that void, she seemed sweet and cool and funny and nice but turned out in the end to be a very strange woman indeed. Too long and complicated to get into unless anyone fancies listening to a couple hours worth of rant. Still won't sign the divorce papers. Won't talk to me, however our two daughters talk to me regularly and are growing up to be very smart, pretty and together young ladies. Third time was a charm or so I thought, with my current partner. We dated in the late 80s (she was my first love, and I foolishly broke her heart when i ended it) and got back together in 2010. We have a child together and everything was going fine until about a year ago when she started seeing other guys, which she still does, but now I'm more like a best buddy and we talk about dating other people even though secretly it kills me inside. Moving on is the hardest part. However, you can't make someone like the same things, want the same things unless you both go into the relationship with those things as your goals from the outset. People are different after all, and the heart wants what it wants. Ain't no rhyme or reason to it. So the best thing to do, even though it hurts, is chalk it up to experience, accept that you have different goals and not try to paste your ambitions over your partner's like some mask, because as soon as they realise they are being changed against their will they will fight back. Trust me, I know from experience - I remember the second one buying me a whole bunch of new clothes, which was a nice gesture, but Tommy Hilfiger?! Puh-leeze. I am not and will never be a preppy.

I guess what I'm trying to say is relax. Be yourself and let others be themselves - they will anyway, so why fight it? And if it's unbearable, then hit the road.

I know exactly what you mean. Deep down, I think I always knew my partner was not "the one" (and silly as it is, I still believe in "the one" - life is hard for us incurable romantics and dreamers), even when I was so deeply in love. Oh well. A big chunk of my life wasted, but there's no going back. Maybe "the one" is still out there, somewhere.

I don't think it's realistic to expect a marriage partner to subsume their dreams and ambitions to yours. That's not realistic or fair. So perhaps what needs adjusting, in part, is your expectations. As the tired-but-true saying goes, "if you love something, set it free".

Now if there was bait-and-switch around what you thought were common interests, that's a little bit different story. And if you're truly not being treated as an equal, that's a completely separate issue. And of course if you're truly being abused in some way, then all bets are off.

Oh, my dear! I'm so sorry! Now you need to get yourself and your children out of this marriage and move on. You've learned a powerful lesson! Growth always results in temporary pain. Keep that in mind and remember this, too...YOU WILL BE OK! Maybe not this week or this month or even this year...but YOU WILL BE OK!

As soon as you start thinking somebody will save you, embrace your ideas, or even expect them to fix stuff in your life, you are both DOOMED. Period.

Trust your gut in future !

How long,and any kids? If kid's,many times used as weapons against the spouse.