There's a kind of terror inherent in parenting. Your children, that you love more than yourself, more than anything, that are the future to you - are in your hands. And you think, what if I get it all wrong, what if it's already too late. You wonder how life can even go on but you know it has to. And most of the time you have to just know that you are doing your best and maybe that means it's ok to let yourself off the hook when you screw up. But I have a lot of nights where I wonder if I the choices I made for them are correct and I get so scared that it's all wrong.
I understand. When I was young, I remember seeing a letter that said...""the world is so filled with hate, everything is going downhill, who are we to trust, should I bring children into this world, etc." The letter was dated 1865. My point is: the world is always filled with good and bad. I do my part to make it better. It's all I can do.
As parents, we make mistakes. Please forgive yourself, and try again the next day.
Things we say are like balloons: we can reel it in, apologize and try again. We had a lot of "do-overs" for both parents and child.
As a parent, my goal was for my daughter to feel loved and secure. I wanted her to feel confident. Athletic activities help girls develop confidence, and feel their bodies are useful and strong, not just an ornament on some guy's arm.
We taught our daughter self-responsibility. Not to play victim. If she fought wearing a jacket, let her feel cold at recess or stay inside. Natural consequences.
Of course we set rules, like wearing a helmet while horse riding, bicycling, downhill skiing and sledding.
Now 28, Claire talks about how we taught her self-responsibility. Many of her contemporaries have parents who constantly rescued them. These young people blame others when they screw up. They struggle in college and work. Many still live with their parents.
I think kids are going to be who they are, no matter what you think they should be. Usually they rebel and go the opposite direction of their parents, but at least the grandchildren will rebel against THEM and like to run around with the grandparents.