For me there's nothing quite as lonely as feeling lonely when IN a relationship, or lying next to someone in bed and feeling alone, with a distinct desire not to touch at all. That's rough.

I wasn't lonely when I was married - thanks to my kids

Pretty common and not that simple, each story is unique in its own way

I spent most of my 18 year marriage intensely lonely. So, I don't see it as unusual. Unfortunate, but not unusual.

Having read through the comments, I’m further convinced a life-long connection is not the human condition.. We’re not meant to stay linked ‘forever.’ Reading a person describe someone she may once have died for ..describe her former husband as “the father of my children” goes to confirm that.

We’re a communal species, linking for reproduction and safety, but not forever … though it initially feels that way.. Seems most marriages will end in loneliness, especially after the shared goals have been met. I did 29 years, and would not advocate the same for either of the children that came of it.

There is nothing more lonely than "being married" yet being shut out. I had over 30 years of looking for something that was not there. It is like a gnawing coldness inside, plus makes you feel like it must be your fault. IT IS NOT!
I am SO much happier now that i am actually alone and can get out & find fun!

Very familiar with the concept - married young the first time - we bought into the DINK philosophy (double income, no kids). All he wanted out of life was to be able to hunt, fish, spend time in his boat. Thought that would change once we had children but it didn't. It finally occurred to me that I was - essentially - a single mother who was legally married to a man who had the best of both worlds (live in cook, housekeeper, financial planner, etc etc but free to come and go as he pleased). It took me a long time to realize that "feeling" that I was experiencing was indeed lonliness.

Yes.. it's a terrible situation to be in and is symptomatic of issues of communication problems..

It's not a blame game...you can marry your best friend..then you have kids..and her focus changes..she may go back to work..and be coming home to take care of the kids..she's tired, busy..and juggling everything...

You don't have sex .unless you have booked it 3 or 4 weeks in advance....even if the sex was great because she can't find the time, the energy or the mood.

You don't talk as much..because she only wants to talk about the kids..her job.in a constant repetitive spiral.

You love each other but the grind of life is hammering a wedge between you to such an extent that you feel like a stranger or lodger in your own home..

The isolation..develops into a stark loneliness
You have lost contact with your friends when you moved away and got married.

You work hard to share chores and child care etc but though this earns you respect as a good husband..it doesn't mean you get your relationship back the way it was..even though she tries to make an effort..life gets in the way..you are competing with too much..she has to let something slide..it won't be the kids etc..and that's ok.

Any of this sound familiar?

Yes, I was married 29 years... Loneliest time of my life. I always envied couples who were married to "their best friend" since that's definitely not what I had. Would rather be alone with options of socializing when I choose, than be trapped in a friendless marriage.

I'm currently single for such reasons. We both became lonely while next to one another. She moved on and recently moved out (today, in fact).
Reconnect. If you still love this person, find a way.

most alone i ever was...even i wasn't there.

Yes, there can be many areas where thoughts and opinions are not working.

yes when things werent working out