Throughout my adulthood, I have managed to dump much of the toxic masculinity and racism that were packed in my bags by my beginnings. I honestly think that I have become both more effeminate and sensitive in the process. Yes, I will still always be a straight-cis-male, or as one person put it: a token straight friend.
In some ways I feel more effective. On some days I feel weaker. A puddle of anxiety.
What you've described is to be authentically human.
While the implications of what one might say is somehow less-than-authentically-human may seem potentially dehumanizing... I approve of this comment.
feminine not effeminate
I used the word I wanted to use. I know myself in this manner.
Effeminacy is the manifestation of traits in a boy or man that are more often associated with feminine nature, behavior, mannerism, style, or gender roles rather than with masculine nature, behavior, mannerisms, style or roles.