I used to work in a nursing home and we also got through our days with a heavy reliance on humor and irony. It was a "you laugh or you cry" sort of place so laughing was the preferred, though not always appropriate, option. I have many stories from those days, but one of my favorites was about a room of three elderly men, all of whom suffered from dementia to a greater or lesser extent. One of the fellows, Hank, was a big guy and still quite strong. One day I was running to do something or other and he reached out his hand, grabbed my arm, and yanked me to a stop. "Honey, can you do this for me?" Whatever it was, I said, "Sorry Hank, not right now, I'm too busy." His response was, "You sonofabitch." His roommate, Eddie, piped up with, "Is that your first name or your last name?" It was the ONLY thing I ever heard him say that made sense and was in context! Looking back, maybe that was something that his family always said in response to that term, and he still remembered it.

When somebody asks me "How are you?" My stock answer is "Mean as ever."

One of the guys that I grew up around would answer the phone. He would say morgue you stab them we slab them.