6 1

I am going back to visit my father soon and think I have decided not to tell him I am atheist. I have struggled with this over the past few years and think this is the best route for me. Because my parents are Christian I know that for them this means I am "going to hell". I love them very much and have had a great childhood. I feel like I would rather my father go to his grave thinking I am "going to heaven" than the alternative even though I don't believe either exist. One of my favorite sayings/quotes is

"Do not judge others by your own standards, for everyone is making their way home, in the way they know best"

Christianity is most of my families "way home" mine is different and I am OK with that.

Charlie713 3 July 12

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


I think that you made the right decision.


You can tell what people find more palatable.


I think you are 100% percent correct. My sister-in-law went through that with her late mother, when l explained it from her mother's point of view she was no longer upset at her mother for her concern over her and a couple of siblings not going to church.


Have you considered coming out to him as a Scientologist and then say you were just momentarily confused and you are just doubtful about the whole existence of the angry old man in the sky thing? He might just be relieved by your 2nd admission, sort of like easing him into the new you.

Ha ha that is pretty funny but I don't think my dad would find it funny.

@Charlie713 I guess he takes his delusions pretty seriously then.

@Surfpirate its his truth. I don't judge him for believing something I don't.


See, if I was forced to lie I would feel my parents didn't respect me at all.

I know my parents respect me. I am not worried about that. I don't want my dad going to his grave thinking he has lost his son forever.

@Charlie713 Well...I always told my parents exactly how I felt. If I upset them it was not my problem but theirs. See, before I respected others I have to respect myself.

BTW, to be Atheist was never a problem since my entire family -including them- was Atheist as well.

@DUCHESSA I have always been open with my parents as well about most things. Religion made me feel guilty about things I never should have. I don't blame my parents for that and I don't feel bad not being truthful if it saves feelings. I'm ok with that.

@Charlie713 I guess the "domination component" of religion continues to impose on you.

@DUCHESSA not really. It has not so much to do with religion but respecting my parents. I get how they think having been indictrinated themselves. Why would I torment someone I love when I can just leave it as it is. Nothing would be gained by it. To each their own. This is the path I am choosing and I am completly ok with it.

@Charlie713 Then why you started a thread in which, obviously, you are asking for advise?

"" I am going back to visit my father soon and think I have decided not to tell him I am atheist.""

Some people will never cease to amaze me.

@DUCHESSA you are correct. I posted here asking. Asking here helped me make my decision. You have a problem with that? I got great advice and made my decision. It wasnt what you suggested so you are upset about it????


  1. I am not upset but amused at how people present their cases. 🙂

  2. I am glad you made your decision...

  3. You got defensive because my suggestion didn't parallel your "already made mind".

  4. You were not asking for suggestions but for justification.

As I said: People won't ever cease to amaze me. Byeeeeeeeeee

@DUCHESSA ha ha. Not defensive at all. I don't know why it matters to you so much as to what I decided. My mind was not made up when I posted the question. I was really leaning towards telling him. After discussing on here I realized nothing would be gained by telling him. Its really that simple. Again thank you for your opinion.

@charlie713 dear, it doesn't matter at all to me what you decide... But if you ask for suggestions / justifications you must be big enough person to gracefully receive them in the same way they were presented to you... To receive them with your heart.

@charlie713 and now, since i don't care to repeat myself unnecessarily, i say gooddd bye.

@DUCHESSA I thanked you already for your input. Just sayin............


It is probably the kindest course to take. If the subject ever comes up directly however, I think you would have to try to explain as gently as possible what your beliefs are.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:129115
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.