Well, some do drink the blood of Christ... Let's not rule out the possibility of vampires just yet... Maybe that's how they lure the truly stupid into their nests? What better place to hide than a church? Especially if you start a rumour that a vampire would burst into flame upon entering a church... And, honestly, how many of us would really miss the truly stupid disappearing from society one at a time?

I wish it was just the South - but the disease has spread far and wide ...

"Do you want to live forever" is also a line in the Conan the Barbarian movie. Personally, I wouldn't trust either jesus or a vampire with the answer to that question.