I'm 29, living in Texas where most, if not all of my peers have had children. Even when I was married, I actively prevented pregnancy. The majority of people in my life believe I never want to have children, as I speak quite hesitantly about the idea of having them.
This is false. I would love to have a child but only in the right circumstances. I thought being married may have changed my mind, but it didn't and the reality is, on some level, I must have known that my former marriage wasn't the right circumstance either. 8 years of my life were spent building with someone who had failure to launch from his family unit, still heavily depended on them financially (even when employed and making good money), and who could never quite figure out how to be my husband over being their son. How could I raise an independent child with someone who wasn't interested in standing on their own?
Now, it feels like everyone has a child and I'm not convinced I'm interested in raising a child I didn't create. This seems hypocritical as I have two godchildren (lol) that if their mother passes, I will happily raise them, so being in a relationship with me comes with that possibility.
I'm still navigating my feelings on the matter and I'm not sure if I'll ever have children of my own, or if I'd feel comfortable dating a man who has children. I suppose it all depends on the circumstances.
Life is not a cookie-cutter set of haves and have-nots. Ive learned, sometimes quickly, sometimes feeling like kicking and screaming, that we all have our own path to follow. We build trust in those who dont, or don't try to betray us. Hurt comes whether we like it or not and we have to whether the storms and pick our minds, hearts and heads up and keep going up.
Sorry, l just reread this and it came out trite and full of platitudes. I do mean it though. Ive spent pieces of my life in a hole, finally working my way back up to alive and happy for lack of a better term. I wish you growth, peace and happiness. You're already beautiful. I have to stop now, l almost launched another platitude at you. Smile for yourself and send one my way. Rick