Agnostic.com

10 3

Has your family reacted in an extreme way to your intellectual choices and did that leave you feeling wounded or bitter? How did you stay strong in the face of censure?

One of the things that really bothers me about my family is that they respect and honor the men who abused me while I'm the reviled outcast whom no one has spoken to in decades. I remember one especially hurtful conversation I overheard in which my sister and another relative talked about how abnormal I am and not like other people at all. Weird was the nicest adjective they used. That stung for years. Now, I think, "If being kind, generous, curious and tough makes me abnormal, then I don't want to be like other people". It took me a long time to get to that point of rebellion.

pixiedust 8 July 29
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

10 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

Stand strong. Don’t let other people define you. Everyone is different in their own way.

jab60 Level 6 July 31, 2018

Are you a clown? I used to be Speckle the Freckle 🙂

@pixiedust in college (the 70’s) my brother got me involved in his little troupe. When he left I took over and went to hospitals, institutions, among other places to try and brighten up people’s days. It was all volunteer. That is actually my own hair. Never permed.
I was the introverted social clown as I could not juggle. My talents were limited

2

It's good that you got there in the end. Wear your 'weird' with pride. The shame is all theirs, treating family in that way.

Salo Level 7 July 30, 2018

Thank you. I was often confused because I thought you were supposed to be loyal to family and they weren't, at least not to me. (They would hate my hat collection, if they knew about it.)

@pixiedust there's nothing wrong with disagreeing with family but surely you should be able to rely on their support regardless 😟

@Salo That's the attitude I've brought my daughter up with.

1

I "think too much."
I'm "too intellectual."
I'm "too cold, 'robotic', 'unemotional'."
I'm too unconventional.

Yeah, no. You're insecure and threatened, I see right through you, and I'm not going to dial it down for you.

Love your summation!

2

Don't change for any drop punt, family or otherwise! I'm a black sheep of the family and as Maxwell Smart said

" and loving it ".

Good to see you overcame it and realised there wasn't anything wrong with you in the first place. Family isn't always there for you and sometimes the family who do stick around, aren't blood related 😉 I just give people that give me the shits a good old DILLIGAF followed by

" try not to damage your colon sport 😉 "

Never heard of DILLIGAF before - LOL
Thank you.

@pixiedust here you go m'lady ( bows ) you might have a wee bit of trouble with the speed and accent but its piss funny. BTW I was at the show in Perth...bonza craic!

@pixiedust I'm sure you worked out the actual meaning and representative context of my Aussie slang " drop punt "? XO

@Bullet6813 Yes, I did, and I shared it with my daughter 😀

@pixiedust good show old bean, capital idea 😉

1

I have always stood strong in the face of opposition and/or conflict if I thought I was right and if I thought the issue really mattered. On the other hand, I havel seldom gotten hung up on petty things, and I have never rubbed differences in the faces of those with whom I disagree.

A good way to live.

2

Family is as cruel as ....never mind. Sister of my wife sent her a letter. She was crying for days and finally showed it to me. The OLDER sis said: "We can accept that your husband made you a nudist and made yo to go with him to sex clubs. God said that you have to obey husband. BUT WE WILL NEVER ACCEPT THAT YOU ALLOWED HIM TO STEER YOU AWAY FROM OUR BELOVED CHURCH". My wife was for a while suicidal. Her family was more in influence then a husband of 20 plus years. She still believes that she will sizzle in hell for living with me.

Oh, that's so sad. What a horrible sister! Hug your wife for me.

3

What you described are some of the things that prompted me to turn my back on most of the people who are considered my "family".
I have no use for any of them. I don't have to associate with ANY of them.
I moved away from them and made my own life.
You don't need them, their acceptance, or their approval, for ANYTHING.

You aren't the one who is "abnormal", they are.
Fuck what they think, about anything.

Sometimes I just love the way you say things!

@pixiedust Again, you are one of the very few who feel that way.
LOL
😉

1

Second part I can identify with because I'm sure my middle sister who is still alive has talk badly about me to people behind my back. I don't know for sure but she did believe me for 3 years when I possibly 10 11 12 and maybe 13. I'm 62 now and she still bullies me now and then. It was verbal abuse. She has lots of friends and I've seen her with some of them and she's really nice to them. Ignores me when I am with her and them most of the time. I finally realized that this is just how she is with me. We don't spend a lot of time together but we're civil. Just not that close. I was close to my other sister who passed away in 2006.

I'm sorry for the loss of your other sister. I'm glad your other sister is at least civil to you.

2

I have a different answer to each paragraph. When I was in high school I was very interested in psychology. I wanted to be a psychologist. I'd spent years delving into my own personality and wondering why I am like I am. Although I didn't really figure that out until I was older. When I got into college and I told my dad I wanted to be a psychologist he said " that is a nothing job". That was my dad's favorite phrase. And everything I wanted to do he kept saying this and nothing job. I finally ended up at FedEx and he said my goal should be to take over Fred Smith's job. I was a courier and enjoying it that wasn't good enough for him. I've been underemployed all my life. I did find a stop speaking to him when I was about 33. He died about 10 years later. Never spoke to him again. Although after his second wife died I did write him a couple of letters. And send a few gifts. I have never regretted not communicating with him.

Sorry can't figure out editing. The Voice made some errors in my speaking to text.

Amazing how our own parents can poison our lives, isn't it? I'm glad you found a job you enjoyed and a life that suited you Do you know, you can earn psychology certificates on line?

Same happened to me with the expectations my mother put on me, I was the trophy son who got pushed to achieve gold all the way through education til I rebelled. I've been a chronic underachiever ever since and happier that way. Looking back I think the stress was too much by my mid teens and that association never left me.

4

Let it go.
Some families are so toxic that the only sane thing you can do is walk away.
Blood IS NOT thicker than water.
Friends can be "family".
Find your "tribe".
Not everyone is worth your time/effort.
You are not required to attend all the drama to which you are invited.

You speak truly, my friend.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:142700
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.