For me nothing about Christianity made any sense. If God created everything and is all knowing and all powerful then God knows all outcomes. If God knows all outcomes then freewill cannot exist because God already knows your choices. That also means that punishing people for any crime is ridiculous since they are only a tool God used to achieve part of his plan. Since i see no evidence that God is real and i believe i have freewill i cannot believe that God is real

It is a difficult journey if you are like me and know no other Atheists(except for my 25 yo daughter). Good luck and be true to yourself.

Hi there,
35 years is a long time! Firstly can I say you are to be commended. Not for moving away from what you have know for so long, but rather for those first few tentative steps of daring to question. I think the amount of courage that it takes to do this, for many people, is incredible. Especially within a religion that, (as far as I have experienced), is extremely critical and judgmental of anyone doing so. Proverbs 3:5-6 springs to mind here.
I can't specifically relate, as I was raised in a Jewish household and started on the path of self discovery in my teens, but I can empathise completely as I do have first hand experience of rewiring my brain to accept new experiences and process them without a backdrop of dogma filtering the reality.
I feel that one of the most important things for you to do is be gentle with yourself. Clearing the veil of what we have been taught to believe is a struggle that can take years. I find that if I always look for the good in people, try to remain humble and open to all new things, I can steer my course and be content. This has allowed me to be at peace with "not knowing" though it in no way diminishes the desire or drive to "keep searching".
My very best wishes to you.

Freetothink, I completely understand. I was a "born-again Christian" for 14 years, but the more that questioned this religion - practically pushed upon me by my parents - I slowly began to realise that it was all complete nonsense. The egress from religion is hard, I'll be the first one to admit. Parents, friends, co-workers, they all see you differently. But don't lose hope. Don't feel like you have to accept this religion just because everyone around you says it's true. Trust your sceptical mind, it will lead you to wondrous places.

Well, you can sleep in on Sunday now with no feelings of guilt of hell and damnation.

Freetothink: hi! I can't quite express sufficiently through text how much I can identify and empathize with that process you just described. My moment at which reality basically kneed my willful ignorance of evidence that supported non-Christian beliefs (mostly scientific, with few but some exceptions) in the groin occurred when a cascade of events all fell horrifyingly onto my lap. Over the course of three years I lost three friends; one to suicide, one to murder, and one to drug overdose. On top of this I was dealing with mounting personally mental health issues myself, so combine that with all the ppl I knew in my belief boat telling me that at least two of them were burning in Hell seemed just heartless enough to put reality into perspective...once questioning began, it only took a little while for me to grasp the formula more honesty with yourself = less frustration with yourself. Keep on using your brain with integrity, for the sake of things you value, and transitioning to a more open approach to life becomes way more invigorating!

Initially it was a hard and lonely road for me as well. I can definitely relate, and I agree with the comments below from @SouthernAtheist, @paul1967,@atheist, and @Si1970. Best wishes on your journey

When I began to realize the nature of reality it felt like my eyes were truly open for the first time. It was and still is a great feeling. The down side to that is feeling like people you love and trust have been lying to you your entire life. I was so angry. The most important thing I've learned in my journey is to not let the negative feelings rule your emotional state. You may never have the same relationships with people that you used to have. You can't go back so there's no point in harboring those ugly feelings. Trying to rebuild my relationships with religious family and friends is now more difficult than it needs to be because I couldn't control my emotions. I think their ideas about the universe are absurd but that doesn't give me a pass to be a dick.

It was a tough journey for me. I had to give up so much of what I believed about the world and myself. Even as I felt more and more free, I mourned it like a death. It's been over ten years now, and I'm glad I went through it all. It was important.

Even more significant to me, I'm happy I'm rearing my boys to be free thinkers. If they end up religious, at least I'll know they came to the decision on their own, not because it was forced on them.

The questioning is hard. No matter where you end up on the belief spectrum, be proud of yourself for the bravery you're showing now.

I think many find the loss of community to be one of the hardest aspects of leaving the fold. Even if you do not belong to a religious group that shuns apostates, you may find yourself less comfortable going to church or associating with family or friends from your religious life. You may instead seek a new community of people who think more like you do now. That is a natural human response. I hope that people here welcome and accept you. Maybe we can even help you find communities of people to help you through your questioning period.
Welcome!

I have done a lot of research and started going to debates and listening to podcasts. In Texas we actually have quite a few of your biggest atheists speakers and activists. Download podcast one and search Dogma Debate. I have personally met the man that does he podcast and he has very civil conversations with Christians and non-believers alike. I've gotten a lot of information from him as he is a ex Christian himself which can quote the Bible more than most Christians and I know.

Hi Freetothink,
I was a Cradle Catholic...stop by the church on the way home from the hospital right after my birth. Or maybe they waited a month or so.!
We had some guilt to carry around, maybe different from your personal experience...
'This is the only true church, everything else is phoney, no other church has the truth, without the church you are utterly lost, etc.'
My lightbulb moment came after reading everything in the Bible, and doing my own research. I think most humans go through the motions, not really believing , but the outward signs of belief, the fake it till you make it, keep repeating the dogma in the hopes it might be true, and slather on the guilt.

Being honest about your thoughts and feelings is a great place to start. I can imagine there would have to be a certain degree of guilt trip you would have to dispose of. Most religions are pretty big on controlling people with those. After checking it all out you may change your mind again and decided you are a firm believer. That's OK to.
I struggled this week along with many others wondering how in the heck someone could have a desire to kill all those people in Vegas. Finally it came to me. Soon the authorities may find a reason but I'm settled right now with not knowing because the guy was probably insane and to know why at this point you would probably have to be also to understand him unless your a mental health care professional which I'm not. Some pros with experience in his type of behavior already have him pretty much figured out. They have seen it before. 99.999999% of the time their is a logical explanation for such behavior.

I just became a nonbeliever last December after years of internal struggle. While it caused a lot of strife for myself and my family, and has certainly not been easy, it's been a freeing experience that has, in the end, made me a lot happier.

You seem like a cool chick. I'd dig you if you were religious or not.
Hope that feels like support, because it is.

My reason tells me Christianity is a fairy tale of the most absurd.
I want to participate in group discussion.

I used to have strong faith. but there was too many things that made me wonder if Christianity was actually what it was projected to be. 80 percent of Christians are fake judgemental Hippocrates. and the Bible has so many contradictions I gave up counting how many there really were. nothing makes since in it. your supposed to hear god. of yu pray god hears yu and answers ur prayers. but it doesn't happen like that. life is a jumble of random events and statistical outcomes and that's it..

I went through that 30 years ago at age 21 to 22 during my senior year of college. My father was a minister, and I was quite devout for 10 years, identifying as a "born again" (but within the smaller liberal branch of that movement). I was very active in the church, helping to organize city-wide youth events within our denomination. I had also taken the first steps toward entering seminary about 6 months before ceasing to believe in God. I was fortunate in that my parents' love and my Christian friends' affection and respect for me surpassed any disappointment they may have felt in my apostasy. In your profile you mention your anger about having been lied to for so long. I remember that anger but it did mellow. Obviously my parents and other Christians weren't consciously lying, and an awareness of the deceit is necessary for it actually to be lying. Still, I agree that Christianity as a whole feels like one giant lie that vast numbers of people keep propagating through the herd instinct and a desire to have one's curious ideas about life and death validated. Because my Christian friends were actually listening to me, I did have occasion to explain the experience of leaving with several metaphors. The simplest one to explain here was that I said: "My faith was getting in the way of my faith." - which I proceeded to explain as "My belief system was getting in the way of the Holy Spirit." In effect, the Holy Spirit led me out of Christianity.

Every religion is an insidious tool used by those having intent to rule.
Deprivation of free will, using the herd to rule and corral the stray freethinkers, etc.
The populace has been groomed for 1,000's of years to obey but with the advent of science the grip of oppression is weakening.
Question everything.

I grew up the same way, my family still doesn't understand, I always questioned religious beliefs, but until I actually read the bible I still wanted to try, but in reading the bible I found too much nonsense and contradiction, so then I studied the historical background and I was convinced, and declared I was atheist.

So, what about all the people who never heard the word Jesus. They instantly went to hell because that word simply was not in their vocabulary.

Have you looked at the Athiest Experience on You Tube?

I searched for over 40 years to find answers in all kinds of religions and faiths until I realised that I didn't believe in the supernatural. I missed the community and connection. The I discovered Quakers and found to my delight that the majority (at least in my Meeting) were atheist or agnostic. The term non-theist is used. We sit in silence unless moved to speak but there is little god language used, we prefer social and peace activism.

As a child I was brought up in a presbyterian household my mum and dad were not overly religeous but I was sent to church and sunday school each sunday we had my uncle who ran a childrens church in the afternoon and church followed by youth fellowship in the evening. Now as a 53 year old father of 3 girls whose wife died over 10 years ago and who finds myself wondering about god,jesus and all the other crap that goes with it whose minister calls now and again I would love to have a few questions I could ask that would require a response other than its "Faith" what a load of bollocks