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I moved cross country to escape my narcissistic abuser. I'm staying with my brother. He is a bible thumper and closet drunk. He thinks since he's Christian he can't drink. But he is showing some of the traits of my narcissistic ex. He nitpicks and nags me about the stupidest things. He twists my words. He puts me down at any opportunity. I have no choice right now but to stay here as I haven't got a penny to my name. But I am getting very uncomfortable. I don't know how I should handle this situation.

misplaced 6 Aug 11
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13 comments

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0

Poor girl! look for a job, it sounds like another abusive "relationship" I hope you can find a job and move out asap.

0

If you have any female relatives or old friends who might consider helping you to escape men who dislike themselves, that would be one way. A trusted male relative perhaps, might work. Barring that, since you have Internet access, try applying for a seasonal job winter or summer that provides housing. If your skills and references are very good, some resot operators will 'stake' you to transportation.

Seasonal employers providing housing are usually pretty remote, at or near national and state parks. This time of year, ski resorts are good in places like Idaho, Washington etc.

If you'd like more specifics than what follows message me. If you come up with a bona fide job offer but lack a way to get there, also message me.

Do a resume, brief, with recent work experience if possible in a file you can email with a good picture. Therse days some of the potential employers who used to hire 'in the blind' probably use skype for interviewing. You only need to be a hard clean (of drugs) worker with a good background (non-criminal). They highly velue for rehire, people who will fulfill the 'contract' by staying on until end of the season. One reference like that will get you a long way on future hires. Tipping jobs ore the best categories but in your position, if you lack experience in them or industry experience, they ALWAYS need people for Housekeeping Departments.

No matter what the job is, one can save enough to get on their feet. Housing is almost always shared with one or more room-mates, they always have employee dining rooms and sometimes employee recreation (common) rooms. Nominal fees are charged on the paycheck.

Go to Coolworks.com The best resorts and seasonal employers have pages there. They're even listed by state, if you prefer special locations/regions. Winter 2018 is hiring now. One can begin applying for summer 2019 pretty soon. Maybe assistance from a friend/relative could be until a new employer's hire date for you.

There's a good chance you're probably having difficulties loving, forgiving and accepting yourself. These kinds of work locations are good places to work on correcting such damage, and we've all had it in some measures.

1

Keep trying, get a job, and move out.

0

I had to leave my last relationship, move out, and also was fortunate enough to have a sibling within reasonable distance who took me in. But, my sister was not abusive, and is a bright fully capable person married to a retired cop. He's also a bright, capable person; but, the strain of 3 adults in the house (and 4 dogs) began to show after a few months, and by 9 or 10 months it was becoming intolerable. I did my best, at least I thought so, to be non-intrusive, but when the anger began being directed at me, and the demeaning name-calling, it was obviously time to go.

I was there 11 months, time to pay down almost all my debt and save enough to move, which I did asap. Sometimes we just have to endure. Your situation sounds less tolerable than mine was, but be strong, maintain your integrity, and you'll, hopefully, be able to extricate yourself before any permanent damage is done.

0

The only way you can "handle" the situation is to accept that you are stuck there right now and grow some armor against this current idiot you are involved with. AND...work very hard to get yourself out of it. Don't wait for him to change

Xena Level 6 Aug 11, 2018
1

Damn. At least I had something left after my loss and escape.. I’d rented a room in the home of a narcissist after my move across the US. I lasted maybe 3 weeks, though it likely took a couple of years for the trauma of that experience to fade.

Lay low, and plan your escape with every ounce of energy.. Be open with those you feel you can trust and ready to take any legit and safe opportunity. Hopefully you, too, will some day relatively soon marvel at your skills of survival and ability to navigate a bad situation. And please keep ‘us’ posted ~

Varn Level 8 Aug 11, 2018
1

I'm so sorry to hear this. I was in a relationship with a man with NPD and it's MISERABLE - especially when you're an empath. I really hope you can find a friend you trust to stay with for a little while. I don't think you're going to heal the way you need to, if you're trading one Narc for another - it does appear your brother has some issues as well. Good luck, my friend!

1

So sorry to hear that. I have a narcissistic brother but thankfully do not need to live with him. But I have been around him enough to appreciate what you mean about the constant attempts at emotional abuse.

I would echo the advice to get to a shelter and get established on your own. When you have your own means of income, you have much more control over your life and won't have to take crap from anyone.

2

Go to a shelter.

You have jumped from an a$$hole into the arms of another.

GET OUT

I agree! There is always a way out

1

It won't be easy . You can start by checking with the charity groups for help getting a better place to live . Then , find a job . It won't be easy either , but the best way to not have to put up with what others demand , is to be independent . Find a place of your own . Then you can live your life the way you want to live it .

2

Have you absoutely no other options? No friends or other family? I would not recommend going back to your abuser. There are groups here in the UK that help people in your situation, Womens’ Aid for instance. I don’t know about where you live, but there may be some charity or group. Hang in there anyway but stand up for yourself with your brother don’t take any his crap, remind him that you went to him for help not more abuse. Call him out about his drinking, and his hypocrisy don’t let him make you feel you are less than him, it is despicable. Good luck, I feel for you.

1

I am so sorry. It feels terrible to feel like you have few options. Do you have a friend that you might stay with as you get back on your feet?

1

Ride it out until you can afford to leave, unless he gets physically abusive.

JK666 Level 7 Aug 11, 2018

@misplaced Do not go back! I would call a domestic abuse hotline, go to a women's shelter if you have to. If you have your own room, stay in there while you look for a job. Where are you living now? I will look and see what is available for you! Please keep us updated.

@misplaced That is hard. What are you doing now? Working, do you have anybody besides your brother? Are you able to get closer to Annapolis?

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