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I joined this site because I realized my divorce is causing a change in my life. I have heard this would happen, but when our invitations to long yearly traditions don't come I knew it was real. I am a known active member of my community, so it's not like I am hiding. People feel awkward and don't know how to handle what they didn't realize was happening behind closed doors.
I did make a connection that I lost and que será, será... But I have also made some great connections on here that light up my day. I am grateful for those, thank you.
Last light I got a real push down, when my best friends "forgot" our plans. She admitted to me a week ago how weird she feels about ex and I not being together. She also knows is for the best, since she housed him for months after we finally broke up and he showed his inappropriate behaviour towards her. (Her husband and my ex are BFF's too). But it wasn't that she "forgot", it's that not only she forgot but went to exactly where we were going instead with a new friend she's been hanging out with more since my separation. How do I know? It was posted on Facebook. So on my weekend that my older kids are with dad my best friend of 8 and a half years replaced me ?

Sirena 7 Aug 19
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7 comments

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1

That totally sucks. Horrific.

2

You need to find a new group of friends that would be of no interest to anyone you know. Go to places that you've always wanted to go to but couldn't get your husband to go to. Now is your chance. Places where your ex would hate the people that are there. It sounds like they might be your kind of people.

1

When it comes to things that are painful for me, I have a tendency to view them empirically. When married, most of our friends came from me. When divorced, it was interesting to see who would land on one side or the other. I didn't like it, and I guessed wrong with most of them. But I have run into some of them over the years, and it is always nice to catch up.

2

I am so sorry. I know that feels just awful. Her loss I'd say. 😀.
Let me add that you will make a whole host of new friends as you continue your 'divorce' journey. After mine I became this whole new person that I didn't realize was there (because she had been hidden for so long) and I have come to really like her.
I wish you peace in your grief and the best for what comes after.

Thank you ?

1

Cuando yo me divorcie yo deje la ciudad donde mi ex vivia. Iba a visitar a mis hijos que habian hechado raiz alli y su madre, hermanas, sobrinos tambien hecharon raices en la ciudad. Lo vi como su territorio y no el mio. Tu caso es distinto porque tu tienes los hijos. Vas a hacer nuevas amistades en esa ciudad o en otra ciudad. Not the same thing but in my college days happened to me with a 18 month GF. I now I was being observed, my reaction, etc... sides eere taken, she was one of the "special" girls in the college. I ended with our friends. She moved on. Maybe by design. Every year new arrivals of students. Some will comment how pretty and smart she was and someone will open the mouth to mention that we almost got married. It was hard for me to explain everyone that I couldn't be involved with someone that her mother cheats on her father, her father cheats on her mother and "they stay in the marriage for the girls". Bad example, granted I was a cheater so I knew what was behind the curtain. Next BF breakup she had was not that amicable. We were kids learning to live and to love... your case is real life. Becareful with new men in your life. But learn to love your freedom. Enjoy your New Lease in life. Find That Romance that every human being deserves. It will be there for you! I want to express My Thanks for Your Extended Hand when I needed support so Bad.... Gracias Amiga. Se que te podia llamar si necesitaba. Te deseo lo mejor que el Amor, La Libertad y La Vida puede ofrecerte Mi Pana.

Gracias Hector! Valoro sú opinion y amistad. Yo me mantengo suficientemente ocupada tambien. Sé q la Vida cambia, ahora tengo que seguir pa' lante (como se dice en la isla)
Pa' tras ni pa' coger impulso..

@Sirena Asi es. Yo espero dias dificiles para mi. Anoche estaba escuchando una cancion que escribi de un relojero perder su amada esposa, es una salsa triste pero yo estaba preparado si perdiera una amante o esposa... pero no esto. Ya escribire algo. Yo escribi hace como 40 anos una cancion que decia "Al final, la vida continua, despues de cada noche hay al otro dia... una manana. Despues de toda tempestad habra una calma. Yo continuare aunque te vayas". Ojo al Pillo, pero hay que seguir pa 'lante, como el elefante. You will have new Friendships that will not have your ex as a point of reference. He won't count. At the end, he won't be that important.

@GipsyOfNewSpain
"Al final, la vida continua, despues de cada noche hay al otro dia... una manana. Despues de toda tempestad habra una calma. Yo continuare aunque te vayas". Precioso!! ?

Gracias ?

@Sirena Gracias a ti.

0

It's how our(?) society handles the breakup of a couple,suddenly,your status changes,the other married Women view you as a predator,a menace to their marriages. Expect this to continue until you say you're with someone again,possibly the invitations will slowly come back. Widows and Widowers,along with the single people face this,being the one without a partner at social events is very difficult to understand.

I would hate to think that my established friendships depend on my relationship status... But I look forward on making new friends.

@Sirena People are afraid it will happen to them. And don't know what to say.

@GreatNani good point. It's weird, because the reality is that is the best outcome is divorce for me..

@Sirena I had a lot of friends who backed off because it made them look at their lives too closely? Hit to close to home. I am not sure. But your true friends will stick by you and you will make good new ones. It just takes time.

@GreatNani good point. There was a night all my friends got together and were bashing their men and asking me about my ex... I noticed some feeling introspective.

@Sirena Exactly!! So it is not abandoning you as much as it is running from their feelings.

1

I am so sorry! Divorce is always about more than just the couple. It happened to me too. You can PM me anytime. This is a rough period in your life but it will get better. This I know for a fact!

Thank you.

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