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I'm probably being nitpicky when I ask this, but how come people who say that they "live for their child(ren) ", they don't get as much flack as someone who lives for love or being in a relationship with someone? In my case and in general, people are told to get their shit together before they can date someone, but how come that isn't a qualifier for bringing a new life into the world? ? Does this question hold any weight?

Stepmomofdragons 7 Aug 23

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These days women who want to be in romantic relationships are shamed over it. It's like it's inappropriate to want to have love and share life with someone. It's needy , co-dependent, and means "you don't love yourself". And of course I always hear how my married or attached friends "wish they could be single again" like me. All while they plan their three-day weekend in a mountain cabin with thier men. The bitches.


When they are infants you almost have to live for them. They are entirely helpless and dependent. Eventually you have to start preparing them for a place in society by teaching them how to take care of themselves and get along with others. I think of that as living for them and for community, of which I am a part. It would be ideal if everyone got their shit together before having children, but that also requires support from family and society and not everyone has that. Living for a relationship or an individual would be fine I guess if you feel safe and fulfilled. But for me personally, it left me dependent and vulnerable. The partner may become controlling, abusive or resentful.


Don't know about live for my kids though they are always a big part of me, But I'd die for each an everyone of them if I had to.


People are morons

Does that make you a people person? ??

See they just can't resist from making themselves known ......


Everyone knows that a parent has the responsibility to raise and provide for their children. I agree with you that not all people should be parents. Sadly, vetting/screening/testing potential parents isn't the answer. People who choose to become parents need to own that responsibility, period. The thing that bugs me a little is parents (mostly women, in my experience) who have this self-righteous attitude about it. I would give my life for my children, but I don't lord my parenthood over my friends. People know I love my kids based on my actions, not my words.


People who become bonded to their children, usually at their birth, will do anything for them and think their babies are superior to all others.
This happens most often with home births where women hold and nurse their newborns immediately after birth, but is often missed when women are drugged in hospitals during birth.

It's normal to keep loosening the parental controls as the children mature, but many people try to keep their children under their thumbs even when the children should have long been independent in most areas, and some mothers try to live through their kids, failing to develop friends, interests, and have work beyond the home.

So true?


People who live 'for their children' tend to 'live through their children' which is an extremely unhealthy and damaging relationship, not least for the children involved. ?


Not having children or a relationship, I think people still need to get their
shit together just to be a productive member of society.
It would also be exceedingly helpful for people to have their shit together
BEFORE entering into a relationship, OR bringing new life into the world.
Good rule of thumb: get a houseplant. If you can keep it from dying for at least
a year, you can level up.

I'm ready then, I have a houseplant I've had for 31 years. A real one at that!!
I also had a Leopard gecko that lived for 16 years.

@MacTavish You are good to go!!! 😉


I would stop trying to figure out other people's logic and just do you. Live the life you want. People think they have all the answers these days.

Well said and good answer.


Regarding having "your shit together" to validate being a parent, that's the major reason people have abortions. People aren't ready. Having your shit together to date, is just considerate. You can't expect someone else to fix your life. Once the choice is made to have children, children can not fend for themselves. The "relationship" side sounds like codependency to me.

Please understand that no one is ready for child. No one.

@MrChange No doubt but I was referring to how some attempt to at least be fiscally prepared.


I would say you are associating with different people than I am.

Its probably from her upbringing. You have to understand that family can nag you forever for your philosophical ideals.

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