Have you ever had to cut a toxic person off from a social circle?

I recently had the unfortunate experience of being the primary messenger for one of these situations. After some reflection, I feel I have learned from it.

If a person is making life harder for the group, cut them off sooner, rather than later. Certainly, you can talk to them about their behaviors, but do not give them enough chances that others are driven away.

Since most people feel that they are in the right, explanations only help if they want help. Don't give them anything they can argue with in cutting them off and don't let them tell you how the behavior isn't what you think or just a temporary slip. It just makes them think they can keep getting by with it.

Be very clear: you are cutting them off because their behavior makes the group uncomfortable, makes people feel unsafe, etc. It is not about them, but about how their behavior affects the group.

Finally, and this is important, do not give them any specific examples of their behavior affecting individuals. This allows them to blame some poor person for something that was their affect on the group, not any person's complaint.

I did most of this pretty well, and the person did not raise his voice or make a scene, but I did give him too much opportunity to respond, which just made it harder. He tried to explain that he is against toxic masculinity and that he loves us all, and that he had bought minis for D&D. It nearly baited me into saying that buying things to stay on the group's good side should have been a clear sign of his problems, but I simply asked him to stop, as the decision had been made.

I do not regret his removal, just the fact that we let him get by with things for so long and that I let it become harder by giving him any chance to explain, since no case would have been enough. I truly hope he learns from this, and I am glad my friends feel safer and more comfortable at our social gatherings.