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My mother who was atheist converted to Islam and moved to the middle east over 20 years ago. Haven't seen her since but I talk to her occasionally. Her husband recently died and she had a mini stroke so the country she's living in (Oman) is kicking her back to the states.. Which means she will have to live with me as I'm her only living relative. I am at a complete loss as to what to do or even what to feel at this point.. Not to mention that I'm woefully ignorant when it comes to this religion besides my time in Iraq. Can she even get disability if she hasn't worked in America in at least 30 years? What do I do?

Edit: can't get a lawyer and social services is not an option either.

Rosiebanana 4 Sep 3

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A very useful survival word is NO. No she is not your responsibility. NO you do not have to take her in. NO means NO. There is disability if she moved so long ago how can they just dump her on your door step. This is no different than a woman who is negotiating with a man who beats her. Just leave,


I don't understand this even a little bit. It doesn't sound to me like you have thought this through in a rational manner.


There are also patient advocates for disability. Talk to your local DHS/aging and disability office about that as well as other services/programs she might qualify for.

Make sure she obtains her medical records from all her physicians and hospital she has been to in the last 5 years and all her financial information.

I'm uncertain about your relationship history, but I'm certain it is overwhelming. Set good boundaries. If you find it is too much stress to take on, connect her with social workers who she can work with directly and extricate yourself from the loop. Hopefully she will be able to find assistance and housing options apart from you. As she is religious you might also assist her in reaching out to the church and see if they might be of assistance. Perhaps she would do better with an Islamic family?
Good luck!!


If you live in a populated area you probably have 'legal aid'. You may have to wait a bit but it's free legal advice. Also others have mentioned social workers.


Why is a social worker not an option? Is she 65 or older? She may qualify for Medicaid.

@Rosiebanana I'm getting blank replies today. Glitch in the Matrix...

@Rosiebanana the glitch is fixed... why no social worker?


Pack up and move....leave no forwarding address. Change your phone number and disappear...

I mean, seriously, why is living with you the only option? What if you don't have any place for her and can't afford to feed her and house her? At what point did you agree for her to be your responsibility? It seems she abandoned you and the mother/daughter relationship for 20 years and now wants to live with you?

Do you really want this stranger around your child? Especially a brainwashed stranger who believes in an invisible sky-daddy who HATES non-believers.

I don't understand how this is your issue at all. I just don't.
Tell her to contact Muslim groups here and ask for their help.
Let's see what a generous and loving community they have.

This is harsh... But I can't help but agree.
20 years...

@Sirena I tend to say what others are thinking but don't have the guts to say....

@SkotlandSkye yeah, I like that ?

@Rosiebanana Your comment appears blank to me. There is a bug in the system....can you see your comment or does it not show for you either??

@Rosiebanana another blank comment from you.....

@SkotlandSkye same above ?

  1. read up on Islam -- there are sites that will give you a basic understanding -- be sure your mother knows what your beliefs are; 2) contact a social worker to see what your options are -- then progress up the ladder -- probably end up with a lawyer; 3) make sure you get whatever medical records you can from her before she leaves for the US; 4) does she still have her birth certificate, social security card / number. Make a list of things to do, add to it as needed, check them off with a date and any notes pertaining to that item.

You'll need a lawyer and a social worker.

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