Agnostic.com

5 0

Health Issues, physical disabilities, chronic/terminal disease AND dating...

Is there a point that due to health issues and/or limited activity levels that you would consider giving up the quest to find a significant other?

Is there a point where you would feel like you are just being a burden on someone?

If you are the healthy person, would you consider limiting your life to more closely match the person with compromised health?

I'm asking because just in the past few weeks, I have been asked out by one gentleman who is battling a terminal disease and a second gentleman who has limited mobility and cannot hike or exercise.

I am very active with no health issues --- knock on wood and all that ---- and my profile reflects a life of activity (I think).

I don't know if people are incredibly brave for writing me...or if it means that they didn't read my profile or are just looking for a caretaker and maid (both wanted more than just a platonic friendship/penpal/conversation).

I have to honestly say that I can't imagine anyone wanting me if I were in bad shape and I would be mortified if I were a burden on someone....but is that just my own insecurities?

thoughts?

SkotlandSkye 8 Sep 9
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

5 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

Years ago, I did date someone who was wheelchair bound. He was such a great guy - had we lived closer, something might have developed between us. And even though I too, am a regular hiker/biker/activity person, the experience caused me to see around those corners !

It does seem that if the mental connection is there, the other details are dealt with. Though to what level of mutual satisfaction ? Only you know your own willingness for limitations.

Though I fully admit, I prefer a mate who can share those active times with me, as (as you know), they can be so profound and enriching !

0

I hope to be around yet for some time. A short time ago I was like Tarzan. Today my exercise is limited and I have un-sure feet so climbing and quick movement is limited also. I may have to find someone to live with me later, and if that fails I will have to take things into my own hands. The prospect of "unfinished business" is not anything to look forward to.

0

Why are you using "Pepe" pix? Do you not know what they represent? And if you Do, SHAME!

maybe YOU should learn the history before pointing a finger?
Just because something has been appropriated by assholes doesn't make that "thing" inherently bad.

[en.wikipedia.org]

@SkotlandSkye in todays racilally charged climate, using an overtly racist symbol to (badly) illustrate your post ( in fact, what, exactly, does the pic have to do with your post?)is going to draw my attention and my question, which you still have not answered.............

@AnneWimsey "By 2016, the character's image had been appropriated[7] as a symbol of the controversial alt-right movement.[8] The Anti-Defamation League added certain incarnations of Pepe the Frog to their database of hate symbols in 2016, adding that not all Pepe memes are racist.[9] Since then, Pepe's creator has publicly expressed his dismay at Pepe being used as a hate symbol."

In honor the of Pepe's creator, I will continue to use Pepe whenever the FUCK I feel like it since Pepe was not created to be what you are trying so desperately to make him be.

Take back Pepe! Free Pepe from the hate!

2

It's really easy to say, when you're healthy, that you wouldn't look for a mate if you were not. The interesting thing is that your emotional needs do not change just because your physical condition does. As a matter of fact, a physical disability can add many new reasons for a wish for companionship, and not necessarily just for "a caretaker and a maid." As someone who has battled with chronic illness since age 17, held multiple jobs at a time while being a single mom, and is now maintaining a large house alone while on disability, allow me to congratulate you on your good fortune to be fit as a fiddle. I hope your good fortune never abates, because we are all just one mishap away from disability, and it does make finding love and justifying being "a burden on someone" more of a dilemma.

Deb57 Level 8 Sep 9, 2018

The only issue I have with what you wrote is the assumption that my health/wellness/being fit/active is a result of "good fortune'.

I have spent 40+ years avoiding drugs, cigarettes, excessive alcohol consumption....I've chosen to remain active with thousands of hours spent at the gym, hiking, and doing other physical activities.
I eat 100% plant-based and I work hard to remain HWP at my age.

This isn't "luck". This is hard work and effort.

While I know that others had illnesses thrust on them due to circumstances outside of their control, the truth is that 3 out of every 5 deaths in America now are directly due to whatever shit someone put in their mouth --- from bad foods to alcohol to drugs to cigarettes.....all of those are choices.

I understand your balking at the idea of having great health automatically - I work for it, and I do too. And so far, so good. But one of my friends with similar habits, was struck down unexpectedly by the same kind of brain tumor that recently killed Senator McCain. One year from diagnosis to gone. Another , was in an unavoidable car crash, and had resultant severe nerve damage , and loss of use of her right hand, and also a odd gait afterwards.

So, if you ever operate a vehicle on public roads ...

Acknowledged or not, good fortune , being aware and careful, and/or just plain 'ole good luck does factor in, along with our choice of lifestyle. Life is inherently risky ! <smile>

@SkotlandSkye Working at it can increase your chances of maintaining good health. It has nothing to do with conditions or tendencies we might be subject to genetically or just by the luck of the draw. You can attribute your fine health to your mad skills, but it's every but as much due to the luck of the draw as it is to your efforts. And that can change in a literal heartbeat.

@Deb57 You really believe that? You really believe that the results from a lifetime of smoking cigarettes, drinking heavily, eating fast food, taking drugs and NO exercise are "just luck of the draw" bad health problems? Really?

It is a scientific FACT that 3 out of every 5 deaths in the USA are attributable to what people put in their mouths --- from bad food choices to drugs/cigarettes.

3 out of 5.

This isn't "luck of the draw".

[cspinet.org]

@SkotlandSkye Obviously mistreating your body can and will do harm. Did you even read my comment? The point I'm making is that treating your body like a holy temple is no guarantee that no illness or injury will befall you. My father was never sick a day in his life, ate healthy foods and got plenty of exercise. He died of renal cell cancer at age 56. I have a friend with lung cancer who has never taken a drag of tobacco in her life. I'm happy for you that discomfort has never touched you, but please stop blaming victims of illness for their own illnesses.

@Deb57 Yes, I read your comment -- specifically your words "You can attribute your fine health to your mad skills, but it's every but as much due to the luck of the draw as it is to your efforts" and I called bullshit on them.

While no one disputes that bad things happen to people who take care not to harm their bodies, when you tell me that it's 50/50 between what I do and luck....that's bullshit.

@SkotlandSkye Did I say 50/50? No, I didn't. But the odds are significant enough that many eventually discover for themselves what it's like to be rendered "invisible" by the callous and the shallow, due to a physical disability.

1

when it comes to Love all bets are off, seems like we get a little silly or even stupid sometimes. Yet Dating or trying to start a "relationship" when struggling with health stuff, or with a person who does, does not seem very sensible. Of course "sensible" could mean many things or suit a variety of motives perhaps..

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:174963
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.