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I have been following a few posts here and they reminded me of something. I am not saying that this compares to these other posts, I am an @$$, just not that type of@$$. What I saying is they caused me to think of this situation. Even though it happened a couple of years ago, it still hurts. Probably because there was no closure only questions that cannot be answered.

Growing up I had this friend that I admittedly had a crush on from the first time I saw her in second grade. I was new to this small rural town and had come from a larger city. If we had not moved I would have went straight to 3rd grade from 1st, but they would not allow that for male students at my new school, after all it might reduce their football chances. So I start second grade at my new town and meet A. I instantly had a crush, but I was the new strange kid who got a paddling at least three times a day. Usually for finishing early, reading ahead, independent reading, daydreaming, etc., but one time about three weeks into the school year I was putting my books under my desk when the world turned this beautiful shade of seafoam green. Then suddenly I was snatched by my ear and drug out to the hall to be paddled for looking up A's dress. I could only think, "oh, that is why the world turned green." Well from then on I tried hard to be close and get to know A. We became friends and she later admitted she had three her skirt over my head on a date to get me in trouble. There was a running poll of how many times the new kid would get paddled each day.

Well, school years progressed and we became closer friends and were almost always in the same classes, even selected out with one other student as too advanced for the general class and put together for advanced study. A knew that I had a crush on her and often teased me about it. We both knew, it was made pretty clear, that we would never date, and while we were not "best" friends, we were close and neither of us wanted to lose that.

After high school, however, we lost touch as she moved out of state for school. I hoped to see her at school reunion, but she did not come. I looked for her on social media, but had no luck until I started a Facebook group for our old high school marching band. She joined, but she had changed her name. I sent her a friend request and was looking forward to see how my friend was doing. Not only did she not accept my friend request, she blocked me.

This may seem silly, but that really hurt, an interesting still does.

KDrake 5 Sep 23

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It's a painful thing I know when someone doesn't want to be in contact, especially if it's someone you had feelings for. For whatever the reason it's clear she doesn't want anything to do with you. Perhaps she didn't think as much about you as you did about her; perhaps she just wants to move on; perhaps she fears you are carrying a torch for her. I've been in your place with an old friend, had to let it go. Not easy.


Sounds like she got married and didn't want to deal with potential drama. - - - Think most of us have a "what if - - if only" in our past. 😟


Could be any number of explanations but the most obvious one is that it's been years and picking up an old relationship with overtones of old infatuation would probably be awkward at this point even if she is not in a relationship. Clearly, she never was interested in "something more" back when ... because you obviously were, she knew it, and yet it was for some reason "made clear" that it would "never" be a dating relationship.

You were kids and it was years ago. She clearly wasn't as fond of the memory of you as you were of her.

As others have pointed out, it's not likely to be personal (or at least nearly so personal as you want to imagine). It's just water over the bridge, train left the station, she's established in her life and while it would be nice if she wondered how you were, she doesn't really owe you that either. Not given the enforced platonic nature of the relationship and the total lack of contact or efforts to contact for years and years.


Could be that she knew that you would be a threat to a current relationship and she just wanted to avoid the issue altogether.


She may have other reasons other than trying to be hurtful toward you. I accepted a friend request from an old boyfriend, he was on his 2nd marriage and I had a steady boyfriend, so I didn't feel there was any harm in being facebook friends. However late at night, apparently when his wife was asleep, he would send me very personal messages. Not cool. Add to that he was a Trump supporter and would post hate speech on his feed, against atheists and dems.

I felt no remorse in unfriending and blocking him. Wasn't just that I had a jealous boyfriend who would not take this messaging kindly, but I didn't feel it was right that this old boyfriend (who had asked me to marry him years ago) was messaging me while his wife slept or was out of town. Not interested in participating in that. Plus anyone who posts hate speech against a group I belong to (atheists, democrats) gets the ax.

So, it could be that she disagreed with your politics or spiritual viewpoints, people change, or felt you might interfere with her current relationship, or something like that.


Ya.. the outright blocking is weird.. sounds like she has issues..

That's the thing with social media, it's easier to avoid than to resolve.

In any case though, the other thing about social media that my wife and I often reflect upon is that it puts you in touch (or at least sort of in touch) with countless people that in a previous era you would permanently lose track of and think nothing of it. But now you know each other online and there are all these old memories they have and people don't seem to realize that after 40+ years you might have, you know, changed a bit. And it's awkward. If one of the girls who used to flutter their eyes at me in HS but I wasn't interested, started to contact me, I'd probably block them too. It's simplest, and like I said, but for this artificial online construct we wouldn't even know of each other's existence.

My wife has had a couple of old flames try to rekindle things with her and she has been more engaged and gently made it clear she's not interested. I just don't think she owes them that, although it's nice that she does it and I'm cool with it. A lot of spouses wouldn't be though. Ironically my wife wouldn't, she's just less secure and trusting I guess, so I make sure there's no chance for anything untoward to go on -- and I wouldn't feel I owe such people an explanation just because they once entertained fantasies about me. That's their issue, not mine.

@mordant but not everyone who contacts you has a burning flame.. blocking before talking still seems weird to me.

@hippydog I suppose it's a bit like how most people drop everything to answer the phone when it rings, but nothing says you have to do that. If I can't see the caller ID display I invariably let mine go to voice mail and deal with it later. Similarly every FB poke or PM doesn't require a response and a block isn't a personal affront, any more than it's personal that I block spam callers on my smart phone.

When my wife was new to FB she reasoned (rightly, in my view, but wrongly, in the view of most people) that "friends" are just a bullshit replacement label for "contacts". Naively, she "un-friended" several family members after an unseemly ALL CAPS ARGUMENT spilled over into her timeline, which she was trying to keep pristine for professional contacts (another misunderstanding on her part about what FB was good for, but this was early days). This simple act was taken VERY personally and caused a huge family catfight that has had repercussions to the present day, a good decade later.

I fail to see why most people can't see through this "friending" business as just clever framing for something very mundane and impersonal. But it certainly has made FB countless billions of dollars, so there's that.

At any rate, the notion that this woman was obligated to respond in any way after years of non-contact just because someone else hopes she will, or that it's rude or dysfunctional for her to choose to block, I can't agree with, even though I kinda-sorta understand that subjective response in the person being blocked.

@mordant hmm..
Ok.. what if we took fb out of the equation.. and you by accident found on old friend from junior high that had moved away and then moved to where you are.. so you decide to say hi to them (doesnt matter the format.. email, fb, phone, twitter) and they not only hang up on you (or don't respond) but they use a robotic response of some sort to say don't contact me ever again..
That would not bother you in anyway? You would completely forget about the whole thing seconds later and never wonder wtf?

@hippydog It'd give me a momentary pause I suppose but I've seen so much of this that I honestly no longer take it personally. I live in a college town and there's a ridiculous number of asian students. Now asians as a general cultural thing have very different ideas about what is considered polite or nice and while there are exceptions, they do not make eye contact or smile perfunctorily at me when they pass me by. This is exactly why in the marginally less enlightened WW2 years, people wondered what asians (then termed "orientals" ) were hiding since they weren't properly signifying their harmlessness by being open and friendly (by our standards). Which is part of what led to the Japanese being put into interment camps.

Granted these are total strangers, not "hail fellow well met". So it's not exactly the same. But for instance I went to a 40th HS class reunion and there were people who were happy to see me and others who didn't show interest. True, they stopped just short of being inappropriate, but damned if I'm going to loose sleep trying to figure out what their deal was.

Another example, I have a brother whose name is Dick and let's just say he has a tendency to live up to his name. He's a Dick, but he's our Dick and we love him. Anyway, I called him a few weeks back and caught him in top Dick form, in a preoccupied / evil mood and he mostly grunted his way through the conversation and then said he had to go and hung up before I could say a proper "well goodbye then". I'll admit I didn't call him for about 3 months after just out of bemused irritation but when I did, it was as if nothing had transpired and I doubt he'd remember the original convo. People are like that, they're Dicks. It's their problem.

So no ... I'm not saying it's nothing, exactly, but it's pretty close. I'm not saying I'd act that way, or want others to, but ... life is short and idiots are plentiful so, whatevs.


Through out the relationship it appears A did not treat you well "her skirt over her head to get you in trouble" and when she knew you had a crush on you she'd "often teased me about it". Often when we really like someone it's hard to see the imbalance in the relationship. She may not have felt the same about your relationship as you did. It does hurt when others don't feel the same.


You never know what is going on in someone’s life. Perhaps she has a jealous spouse? Or maybe you are seeing the “relationship” through different eyes than she did. Still, rejection hurts.


IF she blocked you, she had a reason. I can understand being hurt by seeing a chance to reconnect and having it snatched away, that is like feeling the loss all over again in a way.

I hope you haven't developed a pattern of anger or resentment over it. without knowing her "why", any such pattern is assumptive, and futile.

still, sorry it happened to you that way.

No anger, but there is hurt. No resentment, but there is confusion. I have talked to a mutual friend that was her best friend and close to being mine as well, and she has no idea, even though they are in regular connection.


How odd

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