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Subtle Depression

This time of year always seems to bring some much needed quiet in contrast to the bustling activity of summer.
Though, it's more like someone flipping a switch rather than a slow transition.

I think much of it comes not from the changing of the season, or the slowing pace activity I experience, but rather the fact that I now have more time to myself.
Time that I didn't have when I was seeing someone.

This time of year always seems to remind me of love, relationships, spending time with a partner, doing couples activities. I'm fairly good at keeping and maintaining a relationship, just not so great at getting from the 1st date to "relationship" status.
Over the years, I've grown accustomed to constant rejection, increasing scrutiny over my looks, lack of social status, height (seriously, I'm taller than average so I'm not sure why it's such an issue), etc. Because of these things I've become more of a loner, and used to being a lone around this time of year.

Much of my joy used to come from being able to make other happy. But, as life goes, people get older, their priorities change, or you no longer serve their needs and they move on.

So, as the weather cools, and the leaves on the trees begin to change, I'll be more content to stay in doors, sleep more, and find more distractions to save me from having to miss happier times when I was loved, revered, and was more than just myself -but- was a part of someone else's life.
I'm free to do as I wish, but what I wish is to be the best thing in someone else's life, and to feel helpful, productive, beneficial, and appreciated by a beautiful woman.

I know that going to the gym will help me feel like I have more energy, and it'll help me feel better about myself; but the depression just zaps away my energy and my motivation.
After all, so far, my luck has mostly been bad luck.
It's not likely to change. I'm hopeful it will. All it takes is one brave fool...I mean woman.
But there were a handful of times where I got to enjoy being someone's "everything". I miss those times, that feeling, those Autumn days where bliss was but a couch and a cuddle away.
I don't want to gym. I just want to cuddle and dream.

MuzikDan 5 Sep 23
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9 comments

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I get this way too. I have seasonal affective disorder (SAD), so I take that into account. And though I want to be in a relationship, I've also been learning that it can't be the source of all my happiness. That comes from living my life, do things that I love, and finding/meeting up with people I enjoy spending time with, whether or not I'm in a relationship. If I meet someone who I would want to be in a relationship with, that they would feel the same, that they have a full life they want to share with me rather than someone who's going to save them from unhappiness. Not saying I wouldn't be totally over the moon to find somebody, but I would still have to deal with my stuff and them theirs.

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Me too!

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[medicalnewstoday.com]

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if it is that regular it sounds like SAD seasonal affective disorder look it up and see how much you see in yourself its a well recognized condition with effective ways to counter it

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I’m sorry you are feeling down. I understand, I struggle with cyclical depression and feelings of loneliness too. I am married and my husband is great. But, I don’t have any friends or close family.

I wish for someone to go to concerts and festivals with. Mimosas, laughs and someone who will understand when I feel down… maybe drag me out of bed (which is usually what I need) to go take photos on the parkway or just be out of the house.

I feel like I could be such a great friend in return. I’m a great listener and I can be a lot of fun….

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We are somewhat kindered spirits,I was bachelor until 43,low wages held me back,and the rejections hurt,I didn't have the big car or house that seemed to draw Women,I wonder sometimes,the ones that rejected me,where are they now?

Perhaps many kids from different fathers,getting by on welfare,who knows.... And I've used about all the dating sites;Some free,others a monthly membership,with the same results,most Women are too far away for a face to face interaction. At 71 my life is not over,I still have worth,but all I seem to find are "Gold Diggers:.....

I am not sure where the "many kids from different fathers" and "getting by on welfare" remarks are coming from. Are you saying it was unfortunate that some women had economic independence that allowed them to be a little choosy about who they dated? There are a wide variety of reasons why women might have children from more than one father (like failed MARRIAGES, being widowed). Or are you saying that social norms/behaviors changed and that it was difficult for you to deal with the "new rules of dating"?

I sense some judgment in your examples, and that may come across in your interactions with women. Every woman you meet that is anywhere close to your age is going to have some history, and if there are a lot of types of "history" that make you uncomfortable, that is going to narrow the potential dating pool REAL fast. How about going to a local senior citizens center for lunch a couple times a week? The odds will be in your favor there; lots more women than men in your age category.

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Personally I have never had anyone in my life who consistently finds me that compelling. Or sometimes they find me compelling, but ... [fill in the blank]. I have decided that after three marriages like that, I must be the common denominator there. But it's okay. It's all over but the shouting, and I've learned that those kinds of relationships are vanishingly rare anyway.

In any case, I'm not sure anyone is capable of sustainably receiving such projections and living up to them ... being someone's "everything". The Jungian take on that is that eventually everyone has to take back such projections. My current relationship, I'd like to think, is more realistic and mature than that. My wife and I know each other's limitations (and they are significant). And we love each other and put up with each other anyway. That's not as flattering or idyllic as being each other's everything, but it's a lot more doable.

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Sounds like you may also be reacting to the very common SAD (seasonal affective disorder) When I worked near the Canadian border in a building without windows, in the winter, I almost never saw daylight except for a few hours on week-ends. A bright (daylight) light helped a lot as it changes the brain chemistry.

As for a sullen existence alone. Happiness is not dependent on being someone's "everything". Although decades ago I had a somewhat similar position, in retrospect, I am usually happier now then I was then. If a realistic opportunity to find another brilliant woman to share my life arose, . . . . I'm not holding my breath.

Wish you luck in finding happiness.

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