My wife had 30 yrs poor health.finally it was 20 months with MND. We planned her funeral whilst she could still talk...... having been to normal chri Stian funerals, she didn't want hymns and prayers by non believers. We planned a humanist service ?? Even got a female humanist "priest"....used popular , classic music.....God only knows by beach boys instead of joint prayers...everybody said it was all about Pat , a celebration , no mumbo jumbo...even the order of service was pink plus course photos , and a goodbye message from my wife. ....
That's the way to do it assuming one wants a memorial. Memorial services are for the living, not the dead. I might put one together in advance if I thought there were loved ones who needed it.
Odds are that I will die alone or possibly with just my wife, who wouldn't need it. I'll likely have a surviving child hundreds of miles away, four grandchildren and a stepson who might process my passing better with the help of such an extravaganza but if no one asks about my wishes as the time approaches I'm going to assume they won't appreciate the effort. They can still do something if they want; at that point I won't care. But I'm not going to obsess too much about it. Those things work better if there are tons of extended family and friends in the local area with whom you have had recent daily interactions. Other than that, mostly, no one gives a fig.