The darkness looms ever present in the horizon. I mutter to myself, just take one step, then two. Concentrate on your pace. No one can see deep inside of you and see you screaming at the four winds. They can't sense your heartbreak, your tears, your sadness. One step, then another. Some days it consumes me. I miss you so much. The talks, the comfort of your words, and your shoulder. All the decisions I made, when I could have turned one way or the other, and the path that changed my life forever.
Would anything have really changed had I taken a different path? Just keep walking. Put one foot in front of the other. No one can hear your silent screams.
Will there be anyone to hold me when the darkness comes?
And this is what happens when you miss one day of your anti-depressant.
After 20 years on paroxetine I weaned myself off. On it this year, I had a huge 4 day bout with a deep depression. I figured if I made it thru those 4 days on the stuff, I could do so off of it. Knowing I could go back on, & knowing it is a chemical imbalance, & knowing I would not kill myself I tried it. I figured I'd give my brain a chance to see how I could handle it. So far so good. I am not suggesting anything. Only imparting my experience. Giving my brain a break from chemicals.
Paxil is what I am on, and have been for about 35 years now.
Over the last 9 years or so, I've had to deal with frequent bouts of depression, sometimes severe. It really can make the world seem so dark and bleak. Recently, my doctor added Depakote to my Prozac, Risperdal and Wellbutrin SR, and for a few weeks it helped a good bit. In the last two weeks I've felt a lot more depressed, but we found out my depakote and vitamin D levels in my bloodstream were low, so once I get regular again on taking my meds, hopefully my moods will pick up soon.