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I now live on the MS Gulf Coast so finding an educated woman who is non religious is next to impossible. I'm sure that other than major cities, the rest of the country is similar. That makes the pool of available women pretty small.

DaveRohbock 5 Oct 27
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Yes, I have the option of moving, but my elderly parents live near by, so I help them out. I wanted to be in a warm area once I retired, and I wanted to be on a coastal area since I love saltwater fishing. After spending 27 years in Chicago I wanted to leave the snow & ice.

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The internet is the answer. I found my husband through a chatroom on a site dedicated to discussing religion, atheism, and agnosticism. He lived 1,500 miles away but was able to move to where I am, where we have been a very happy agnostic couple for three years now.

Orbit Level 7 Oct 29, 2018
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No the rest of the country is different than the Bible Belt. Up here in the NorthEast there are plenty of educated women. Mine actually came from NW Indiana, so although she was in the minority amidst the army of helmet-haired evangelical housewives, we found each other online from 2000 miles apart at the time. And we weren't even on a dating site. It was a site for over-40 persons, on a forum for writers.

I'm not a particularly stunning specimen of male-ness, in fact a bit on the geeky side of things, but finding plausible candidates for life partner has not really been the problem nearly so much as accurately mapping out their neuroses, hot buttons and hangups and how they interact with mine, quite independent of religious ideation. Atheists may be in the minority, but a-theism is a fantastic filter and plenty of candidates still sift out of that in my experience.

You might also consider that theism isn't necessarily that considered, especially outside the Bible Belt. Just as atheism sometimes is just what a person fell into because of family background and dumb luck more than a considered position. The lady next door to us is Catholic by heritage, and nominally believes in god, but is far more into Catholic charitable activities than Catholic liturgy, and I'm quite sure doesn't take her nominal theology literally -- especially with the whole pedo-priest thing going on, as that genuinely troubles her. She's just there by inertia. She's a witty, intelligent, kind woman, far more politically liberal than her husband, and yet they get on just fine. He in turn is from a Scottish Presbyterian background and "converted" (if you can call it that) to cultural Catholicism but considers it no big deal. Many believers have this fungible aspect to their religious ideation.

I think sometimes we're too hung up on ideological purity as a requirement for companionship. My 2nd wife was a rural Methodist and remained so after my deconversion and it did not have a bad effect on our marriage at all. Granted, it helped that we weren't active in church anymore as either a couple or as individuals, and our relationship was based on mutual respect and common interests apart from our existential beliefs. But that's exactly my point. Relationships can allow the participants differing beliefs in some compartments so long as there's enough commonality in others. Not all religious persons regard religion as all-consuming as do fundamentalists.

I've often said it: fundamentalism isn't about being good, it's about being right. Especially doctrinally right. Evangelicals are only about 17% of Christianity. The other 83% is more about community and less about doctrine. So don't rule out someone with a soft, squishy, intuitive belief in some sort of personal god as necessarily a fundamentalist nutcase.

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I feel your pain.. Workwise, I can get far afield though. Found myself nearly walking into things inside an upscale grocery store near DC last week ..spellbound over the educated women populating the produce department … prior to heading back to the rural blue ridge 😕 I was told recently, ‘if you want a good wife around here,’ ‘you’ve gotta to bring her with you.’ ..blew that ~

Varn Level 8 Oct 27, 2018
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Wow, sounds tough. I bet a lot of stuff there is hard. Maybe you can find someone through Agnostic. Good luck!

Carin Level 8 Oct 27, 2018
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