It's a good and fair question. I'd regard it as normal. At nearly 62 I'm tired, and tired of being tired. At present I still find lots of meaning and purpose (most days) and my health is still reasonable (most days). But the time will come when I'm past my "best used by" date.

The way I put it is, no matter how great the screenplay, how skillful the director and technicians, how talented the actors, no one wants to see a 12 hour movie. At some point you just want to pee and go to bed.

Your first sentence is ironic to me because as a non-religious person I don't mind death or the fact that there's no afterlife ... but like most everyone else I have a malfunction with the process of dying. That is one thing I have in common with most of the human race, even theists.

There is an old saying, "if the sun doesnt rise tomorrow, no one will be around to debate why". Even if my passing is painful, it will be short, and after the pain, I will have no recollection of it, as I slip into the state of non-existence. Death need not be a fearful experience, but a celebration, a celebration of the life you lived, your contribution to this world. Absence of an afterlife gives a sense of urgency to this short life. Be kind to everyone, right your wrongs, apologize when you are wrong, and be as a lighthouse, guiding those around you in the right direction.

I too have experienced glitches at times in my current frame of mind, glitches from childhood programming that was wiped successfully from my hard drive, but still remains in fragmented bits and pieces. It is imagination. The same imagination that allows us to indulge in the thoughts of Santa's existence while watching Christmas movies, or thoughts of red haired murderous childs dolls on vengeful quests to dominate the world. It is a thought we ponder from time to time, but instantly remind ourselves of its irrelevance, and absurdity. Dont blame yourself, you were a child, and incapable of logical deductive reasoning.

Sounds normal to me. I feel the same way sometimes.

I'm 70. I realize that as we age we come closer to the end. I also realize it's the journey not the destination. I'm comfortable and at peace knowing that there is nothing after I go other than my legacy. So far it has been a great journey. Whether it's another 2 years 15, or 30 years life has been great ! I'm glad to have taken part.

I picture a dinner table. Around it, my parents, my sister, her husband and 2 sons. There are 3 empty chairs. One is saved for me. When my time comes i join them at the table. Not saying it will happen, but it makes me feel better about the whole dying thing.