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Hello all! As I'm sure you know, taking the high road on an issue does not in any way mean that you are going to get resolution or restitution on an issue.

I'm impulsive and spirited, but I'm doing my best to be my best.

What do you do to calm yourself and let go of something that's upsetting you?

FlippantLlama 8 Nov 20
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10 comments

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I do what I can, and then I go and take care of myself.

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Realize that some things are beyond your current control and internalize the reality that stewing over said issue will only impart damage (biological chemical changes (stress hormones etc).

@FlippantLlama Yes, if you make the thing/s you can not control a part of who you are, this is psychologically damaging.

my quote is (I should have added a comma after "control" ". . . and internalize the reality that stewing over said issue will impart damage. . . " To understand that stewing over things outside your control to make this a part of your understanding is a method to prevent damage.

I should have used "realize or understand" as in it is better to realize you can not undo a horrible outcomes such as (my neighbour killed my dog) not to stew over trying to change things that are not within your control (you can not bring back the dead dog).

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I tend to try to distract myself from whats bothering me. Going to a movie or a netflix binge or good stand up comedy.

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First, remind myself the world isn't coming to an end, my house isn't burning, nothing threatens my existence or health, so why in the hell should I be upset. If that doesn't work, meditate.

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I don't think there is one standard answer that covers all things. It helps me to think about the value that I put on happiness and serenity in my life and compare that to the value of the thing which is bothering me. Invariably that which is causing stress has much less value than my happiness.

I don't know what bothering you but here's an example. Someone who I thought was a friend violates my trust in a way that really makes me feel violated. I may obsess over why they did it. I may find myself wondering if I had paid attention could I have seen it coming and avoided the pain. I may even harbor hate and a desire for revenge. So if those feelings have to happen. I allow myself to be angry and hurt. Those feelings are natural and I can let them happen without trying to stifle them. Once I'm able to think logically again, I try to decide what benefit would there be for me if I did get revenge. What benefit would I have if I knew the answers to all of my questions. There is some amount of value in achieving those things. I then weigh that value against the cost those thoughts are having on my life, on those around me, on my friends and family.

It is hard to let go. I know. I have had to let go of some things which were really important to me. But the cost of holding on is never worth the benefit gained were I to actually achieve the things running through my head causing the stress.

I hope this helps.

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I sometimes have an internal conversation with the various parts of myself and check for the motive to hang onto the upset. If it's my inner bodyguard, for example, I let them know the threat has passed (if indeed it has) and that their services are no longer needed in this particular matter, but are welcomed and valued in other matters. That seems to help somewhat.

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porn

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Learning to take time to react ironically takes time...

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Meditation

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Sounds like you are about there already. Just asking this question, right? So I think it's a matter of recognizing when these feeling arise, noticing them, then deciding how to respond to them, if at all. Recognize that they are temporary, transient phenomenon, like ripples on a pond. Learning to respond rather than react. 🙂

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