I am coming out to my boyfriend tomorrow! Any advice?
We have been dating for a year and I was religious going into this relationship. I think it’s only fair to him to at least be honest because that’s what I admire about our relationship. He isn’t extremely religious but he is a Jehovah’s Witness and so is the rest of his family. We never really discussed religion even when I was religious; we respect each other’s beliefs and this makes me think nothing will change between us after. However, I don’t want to say the wrong thing. Anyone have advice?
My atheist daughter had the most in common with the Jehovah's Witness kid in school, as they were often "left out" of the same events and marked "outcasts" by the teachers. So, you might get some respect for coming to your own conclusions and sticking to them, while respecting those who still have their beliefs. Good luck to you. Whatever you say, make sure it's with kindness. It's wonderful that you have honesty in your relationship.
Congrats on taking the courageous step in coming out.
The best thing to lower anxiety would be to admit, "Something has been on my mind. It might be a difficult conversation, and I don't want to say the wrong thing, but I might. Would you be willing to listen?"
With any luck, he will be so glad the topic is not breaking up or having kids that he will be ecstatic at the topic. ^_~
I highly reccomend Dave Barry's The Ultimate Guide to Guys if you need a good laugh.
As someone who has been in a mixed marriage for 10 years, (he's religious, I'm not,) I can speak to having some difficult conversations along the years. And how you get better at it with practice.
You even get some good stories along the way.
Let us know how it works out, if you're comfortable sharing. Cheering for you, C.
I think the most important part is "just saying it". Of course it's difficult, and you'll have a lump in your throat or something but ultimately the difficulty of saying it will never subside until you do. It's like a Band-Aid. You just gotta rip it off. If you wanna practice try writing out your thoughts with a pen on a piece of paper in cursive. Printing takes too long. Don't focus on writing neatly. Just let your words flow. Then, when you're done, you'll have already said it once. What's more-it was written! You wrote those words. There's a lot of power in writing. Sure, it's not etched in stone but you still inked those words into paper. And now that you've declared it once you can do it again. Or you can mail the declaration to your boyfriend's work. If he can't read it, he'll come home and ask about it and now you have a scenario where it's just the two of you talking. Or he'll read it and hell ingest it.
If you're worried about how he'll perceive you, all I can say is this-if he truly matters, if he truly values you as a person and not for whatever deity you may subscribe to, it won't matter that you don't believe or are questioning. He'll still love you for you. If he doesn't, well then you know he wasn't the one, and even better, you got out of the relationship sooner rather than later
It's probably important to bring up at some point, sooner rather than later. If it's a problem for the relationship, it would make things worse if you take further steps to deepen the commitment.
I've taken to telling my friends and family who believe and knew me to be a strong believer once that "I don't think anyone's there". Some will accept it, some will challenge you about it...it's never an easy thing to do, you never know for sure how anyone will respond, but you have to be true to who you are. Nothing worse than being trapped in a life pretending to be something you're not.
The advice that I've heard about this...
I hope any of that helps. Good luck and remember you have a community.
Good luck, but from what you've shared it could go either way. I'm glad you have the courage to level with him and be true to your principles. If he can't respect that and your newly-revealed difference, then you'll have your answer about whether to stay with him. I've never been in a position like yours, so I have no ideas for what to say.
Just be honest and tell him. Just don't say it in an adversarial way! Don't try to explain or justify yourself just let him know that that is how you feel. When people question me I just tell them that I am not superstitious. And that the whole foundation of God originated and very primitive societies to explain something that they could not understand.
Don't be afraid, much like any other life reveal. It is probably not going to be a shock to people that know you. The fact that he was willing to date outside his religion tells you that he is not that into it. The same may not be true for his family, while they may be ok with him dating outside the faith, they may not be ok with marriage to an outsider or cavorting with a godless person.
My mom was a jehova witness and she accepted it pretty well but I'm not sure how a spouse would. They have some very different kinds of beliefs. Best wishes when/if u do come out to him. Honesty and communication are what makes or breaks a couple so I wish u well with it and respect that u are gonna do it to be fair to him. Many people today are selfish and only care about their own interests so it's nice to see someone who is not like that. Feel free to message me if u have any questions about that particular faith and how they belief. I was exposed to the good and bad sides of them thoroughly so I might have some answers for any questions or concerns u would have. Once again, good luck and best wishes.
Tell him that the future is a strange beast as you never quite know whats going to happen but your love for each other is happening right now and that you will look out for him and share a heaven that you both can enjoy here and now. What ever may come you two will have tasted what true love is and leave this existence one day with no regrets.
Do not risk your safety and love with honesty. ...believers are prone and programmed brainwashed to hate Atheists...you are likely to be blamed for his violence with the fighting words provocative Atheism equal to sleeping with another boy and imposing such a confession upon him unawares...get secular marital counseling to gently negotiate a future mixed marriage or continue the status quo safety