Agnostic.com

32 3

What can one learn about a person's personality just by observing them?

Redcupcoffee 7 Feb 11
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

32 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

17

I think it depends on the context: where/when, for how long, etc. I recall an older woman I'd known as an acquaintance for years who seemed so happy and full of life whenever I saw her. Bubbly. One day I was still sitting in my car and she didn't realize anyone was around as she walked into view, and all of the happiness and effervescence had melted away. Her face showed emotional pain, misery even. It was obvious to me in that moment that she was a deeply unhappy person but she put on the pretense of joy for the sake of others, to not let on to anyone that she was deeply discontented. So, I'd agree that you can learn a lot about someone's personality through observation, but it may be hidden, it may take time, and it may not show unless you happen to see them with their guard down.

I agree to the point where it's the most important sense we have. Watch your significant other or your children or and especially your parents interact with people without you being seen and you'll be very surprised.

The saddest man in the circus is the clown?

@VictoriaNotes I'd always thought her usual expression was a little exaggerated, but didn't think it was entirely an act, but I saw how she transformed when she didn't think anyone was around and realized that she always wore a mask in public. I learned later that there were long-term problems in her marriage, too, so I pieced together that she never wanted to let on that life wasn't perfect (partly, it seems, for her own safety). But your point is valid; she might have been having an especially bad day when I saw her. It was my observation of how easily she could put on her usual cheerful disposition despite that which led me to believe it wasn't an outlying emotion, but I can't swear that's the case.

10

Have someone. video you without your knowledge and see how much you can learn about yourself seeing your own interactions with people from an outside viewpoint.

8

I think you could learn everything about someone without ever having to interact with them at all. Of course, this would require a great deal of time and effort, and probably some illegal activity.

d_day Level 7 Feb 11, 2018

Ask them questions? If they do not answer write them off.

@FrayedBear I agree! I was just pointing out that there's no limit to what could be learned.

7

That's a well of thoughts. I'm more inclined, as a major people watcher from being the quiet type in gatherings of all aspects, that I've learned more about myself than those I watch. I might even go as far as to consider it a study of society over people watch? Outside of how I've used this to develop my own character and opinion on society, I can only place a personal opinion on a personality towards someone I actually know, or getting to know. I hate crowds. I really do not enjoy getting out into society much at all. But as I sit among as I must at times, it provides a well of entertainment, enlightenment, fears, and hope.

Watch the watchers?

7

I use this power (its one of my superpowers! shhh) all the time whenever I feel the urge to go to tinder....

I also love turning the volume on a TV to zero, and just watch it without sound, you see a great deal and hear a great deal that you didnt notice before!

I always mute commercials. Takes their power away.

Ah! The neighbours dv again, the termites eating out the beams in the walls and floor, the possum fighting the cat, the dog asthmatically wheezing, ... those sort of things? FFS turn the volume back up and stop being maudlin - a crap show with no volume is just a doubly crap show. 8)

@BenPike yup thats another bonus, they always claim they don't put the volume up during commercials but they do!!

6

I believe you learn more about YOURSELF when "observing" others. If YOU are looking at another and labeling that person with whatever attributes that your filter allows you to use is rather insightful, if you are honest with yourself.

5

You can tell a lot about a person from the way they treat other people, animals or even what they do when they think no ones looking. If you are in a crowded bar and somebody goes to get another drink and leaves the empty sitting at the table, pushes through people without so much as a by you leave and is quite determined to get served first even though there are other people who were there before them, you can be fairly sure they are a selfish jerk.
Once was having a drink with a man at their home and their dog was there. It's coat was full of matted lumps so as I'm sitting there drinking a glass of wine I am gently teasing the matted lumps out of its coat. He notices and guesses what is running through my mind and says "Oh, this is amazing because the dog won't let him groom it". Anyway sent him to get some shopping bags and filled three of them with matted fur before I left. Needless to say never went back, if a guys own dog won't trust them but will trust a complete stranger I don't want anything to do with them.

Kimba Level 7 Feb 11, 2018

I had a date with a guy who had two long haired cats. Each cat had matted fur and the whole house reeked of urine. It was so bad my eyes were watering. There was no second date.

5

How secure, or insecure they are. You can see thru the weak, and that does not require any form of judgement. Their posture, stance, and mannerisms allow you to see their fears

And if the person has mild asperghers or autism?

@FrayedBear That is why you never pass judgement. Working at a ballpark taught me well. You never know what is going on by first glance

5

Yes. You can sense a lot just by where they are looking. Can I take a peek?

5

eyes tell the world the truth

As well as facial muscles and body language all from the subconscious.

The eyes tell nothing. The flesh around the eyes ... now there is a different matter ranging from crinkly laughing good humour to squinty suspicion via wide open anger.

your eyes are a two-way window and I can tell you @FrayedBear that I have slaughtered pigs ie stunned and bled out and its the eyes that tell you their life force has gone et their muscles still twitch 20 minutes later so you are only partly right as you are partly wrong.

@LeighShelton lol. I don't talk to or dance with pigs! ROFL LMAO

pigs are not unique in this

4

I don't know but anyone who has time to observe that much needs a new hobby. Or a job.

Is not a matter of ""having so much time"" but of being intelligent enough to realize in few moments if the person in front of you is the right one to be your friend / partner.
While waiting to be seated (local restaurant / first date) the guy I was with was very laud and rude to the Maitre'd. While he went to the restroom (before being seated) I left the place.

Lol. The dreaded time and motion expert is upon us watchers, flee brothers before he draws fire and deluge upon us. The equivalent of people watching in the bush is having a weather eye constantly checking, observing the cow, sheep or horse for lameness, weightloss indicating poor quality pasture, noticing the murmuring of the starlings because a hawk is flying past ... this list doesnt stop. Do I tell cousin Ned to get a job?

@FrayedBear
The equivalent of sheep or horse, constantly flea. Brothers tell poor cousin Ned: quality pasture and deluge upon motion. Expert in the bush. Lameness murmuring of a hawk, doesnt stop.

@DUCHESSA Pretty sure I got nixed immediately once for not pulling a chair out on a first meeting. Etiquette is not my strong point. Or could you tell?

@BenPike No opening a door / pulling a chair is not big deal....but being rude to a person for something is not under her control is different.

3

I'm certain that we take in a lot of information subliminally from a person's body language and especially facial cues. I definitely know sometimes when something is "off" as soon as I meet a person, by eye movements and probably from their pupils and irises and detectable movements of the muscles around the eyes. Often we discount the hunches these subliminal clues give us, and sometimes at our peril. One thing that makes it difficult to trust our hunches is that many of us have intrinsic and often unconscious attitudes toward particular body types that, although not valid, give us similar kinds of feelings to the ones we get from the subliminal cues.

3

I have certain criteria that I have used in my 79 years which has been pretty accurate. The first is their manner of dress,next hygene finally the use of their language skills relative to their education levels.A slob in dress generally attests to a slob in all other matters as do the other two. It is a very simple test but is very accurate.Next is how they treat others and animals especilly those who it can be seen are less strong. slobs like to take advantage of those they preceive weaker than themselves.A person does not need an advanced degree to be a very nice person.I have a freind who did not finish school but he is obe of the kindest most gentle person even though hr is about 6'6 ' over 300 lbs.

3

I have a habit of not looking at people when listening to them or talking to them. Seemingly many are uncomfortable with this and it explains why I so much prefer to talk with people on the phone rather than face to face. The main reason is that I so frequently see the incongruity between people's body language and their spoken words. My ears are also unusually sensitive to the sound of peoples voices and unfortunately it seems that many these days do not realise how lifeless or untruthful theirs are.

2

Until about age 18 I was severely shy and undersocialized so I never knew when to speak in a group larger than 2 persons. As a result, I didn't speak--I oberserved. I'm a naturally curious, observant person anyway; I learned so much this way. I didn't even realize until much later--when I finally started talking to people--how much of a leg up I have on the average Joe when it comes to reading people.

It's so innate and subconscious I don't even think I can put it into words. I'm too scientific to ever forget that I could make an error at any time, but I have very high confidence in my ability to interpret facial expressions, determine motivation, measure enthusiasm or confidence, spot a liar, etc. Moreover, I don't think it takes a genius to make certain inferences about the way a person thinks and some of their attitudes by how they do or do not answer questions or develop a conversation.

Basically, because I grew up never being preoccupied by what I had to say, I had plenty of time and room in my head to read between the lines. In a way, everything was reading between the lines. It became second nature to me. Most people strike me as fairly transparent. Manipulators, liars, and game-players freak me out badly, because their ruses are glaringly obvious.

I was with you until your last sentence, stinkeye. Your judgment of others as people not to be trusted seems extreme. We are all seeking to get what we want. If we weren't, why would we get up and do anything? I look at it this way. I can't control anyone or anything. But I do have influence. And I use my influence to get what I want in the best way I can. I usually want things that will be helpful to others as well, so it works out well for an intimate experience. But I don't see the world, the people in the world around me as purely liars or untrustworthy. I hope you'll be hanging out with a better crowd soon.

@JaneLatham I'm confused as to how you came away with the interpretation that I think people in general are not to be trusted, or that I'm "judging" anywhere. All I said is that manipulators, liars and game-players freak me out. There are manipulators, liars, and game-players in the world. I didn't say how many. I didn't say all people qualify for that label. Just that the ones that do exist are bothersome to me, because I can easily detect their machinations. There's no judgment there. Thats not me saying "that kind of behavior is wrong"; that's just me saying "that kind of behavior is unsettling to me". I didn't say "manipulation", "lies", and "games" freak me out (because these things are natural to a degree), nor "people who __", for the same reason, but I used the words I chose specifically to reference those people who engage in those behaviors so consistently that they may be fairly characterised by them. Someone who lies all the time may fairly be called, generally, a "liar"--whereas the average person who lies only rarely or sometimes may not.

Was it the preceding sentence about transparency that threw you off? No judgment there either: just saying people in general are easy for me to read. It follows, then, that manipulators, liars, and game-players are easy for me to spot, if and when they come into view.

I made no indication of how often the aforementioned behaviors occur, nor of the "crowd" I hang out with (which, incidentally, contains no manipulators, liars, or game-players). So I can find nothing in what I wrote that would suggest the interpretation you made. Would you be so kind as to explain it, that I might learn something about making my writing as clear as possible?

1

Whether or not they are congruent.
Whether or not they have and use a brain.
Whether or not they are kind.
Plus a million other mundane characteristics.

1

Body language wardrobe posture gestures hair and cosmetics might signal social attitudes and a few character traits bit people are defined by their principles = personality

1

It's interesting to notice that most of us observe without judgment about the behavior of others. I also like to watch and look for the story. The story always contains real human drama involving fears and happiness, signs of masked depression and secrets, anger and competition. There's no story without conflict. But it's interesting reading all the comments since my last comment this late morning how many of us enjoy watching and listening in order to better know the people we are with. I used to drive my children in carpool back and forth to school. If I asked them, "what did you do today at school?" I would get, "Oh nothing." But if I listened to the conversations of the kids as I drove them home, I learned what really happened at school. As I've finally learned more and more to shut up and listen to my loved ones and friends, I've known them better and argued with them much less than before.

1

I love to watch people. Any city less densely populated than NYC is too few people for me. Even though I believe I can observe many things that turn out to be true of others, I always keep in mind that I'm making assumptions based on my own experiences and I'm often wrong, I like to overhear conversations in restaurants and on the streets, people talking on their cell phones. Little bits of other people's lives combine to make interesting stories of fiction. Real life, the way people really talk and relate to each other is fascinating. Of course, I have my own intimates as well. But the world is full of people and situations that are being negotiated at all times. I also love politics. It fascinates me too.

1

It all depends. Some people are good at observing people and reading gestures, body language, etc... Some people want to be good at that but they are not necessarily. Anyway by the way they walk you could have an idea of how insecure this person is when they talk you can have an idea if the person is a liar. You can have an idea of vow this person was raised... Of course there's nothing absolute but at least an idea.

1

Depends on the person. I can generally figure out a person within 20- 30 minutes including their past but i took criminal psychology and profiling. You can usually tell if someone is really happy or just putting on a show or if the person is "damaged"

1

My wife is quite intuitively insightful about people and is usually right in what she deduces from what she observes. Far more often than I am. To the point that I generally / provisionally rely on this ability of hers.

But boy, when she's wrong, she's spectacularly wrong.

So I don't think we should take our observations so seriously that we think them infallible. Because science has demonstrated that people tend to make snap judgments based on first impressions and then are fiendishly reluctant to revise those judgments even in the face of overwhelming contrary evidence later.

I am rather sensitive to inaccurate snap judgments others make about me and notice it happens with some regularity. Sometimes it can cut short attempts at new relationships or associations. Not just to me, but to others. My wife for example was a new volunteer with a charity and was super impressed with the person in charge, who treated everyone, including her, very respectfully and well. Suddenly one day this person wouldn't give my wife the time of day, despite displaying the same openness to others. It left her wondering what she had done to offend the woman. It was quite a striking change. And in the face of that you kind of wonder if it's worth the confrontation to even figure it out, if people are that brittle and arbitrary with their snap judgments.

1

Watching people try to untangle christmas tree lights is a wonderful way to see how patient they are, and how well they can plan ahead and solve puzzles.

1

You can learn a lot about people. In past I learned things about co works just by observing them, Then I like to when they say...I always reply I figured that out about..ago...

0

Look for the Cues of their Lies

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:23100
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.