You are correct, timing is everything. If my partner grabbed my butt I would not be offended. However if some random guy did I would. I know saying hi sexy isn't the same thing but yet it sort of is. It tells me you are only seeing me as someone for sex or to be looked at as sexy. I have a brief paragraph with a few of my hobbies, etc. that you someone can take a quick minute to review and comment on that. "Hey, I see you're into music, who's your favorite band?" is all it would take. When you figure the percentage of men on dating apps that are just looking for hookups, saying hey sexy to someone isn't telling me you are actually interested in getting to know me beyond physical. If that IS all you want, totally fine! But I'm looking for more than just sex, hence my ignoring those comments.

I am on Bumble and additionally I do occasionally initiate contact on other apps as well. Again, I just write a short sentence on something we have in common. If the guy has zero information on his "about me" section but I'm still interested, I'll just ask how his week is going or if he has plans for the weekend. I'm never offended if someone doesn't write me back. First of all, I don't write down or remember every guy I reach out to. I message them and if I don't hear back no big deal. I'd much rather have them ignore my message than say something like they don't find me attractive. Or I had one guy say he isn't into "big girls" but no offense. That hurts my feelings....yes I know I'm overly sensitive but if you aren't attracted to me just don't respond. I get that I'm not for everyone but you don't have to point out my flaws.

@Marcie1974 Not pointing out a flaw at all and really wasn't the intent. It isn't really a "flaw". It is a preference you have which is fine. If dating was easy we would all be in very happy fulfilling relationships but it isn't.
I am simply pointing out that anonymously saying someone is beautiful or sexy isn't necessarily intended to be demeaning and certainly in no way an "assault" which an grope would be. It could simply be they don't have the internet icebreaker skills none of us were born with. Hell I think I am pretty easy to get along with in person but I struggle finding anything to say sometimes to break the ice. Written words are very difficult for some people and I include myself among them...obviously
I just wanted to say that even though it should be obvious in a dating site if someone is contacting you they probably find you attractive, so saying something isn't exactly a straight to sex offering all the time.
Clearly I have never been a woman on a date with a man or trying to find one so I have little perspective...only that of a dude. That was all I was trying to say. I certainly did not intend for you to feel like I was attacking you.

@maxhyde oh no I didn't feel like you were attacking me at all. And I realize went off on a tangent there that wasn't directly related to your response.

I guess my feeling is that realistically probably 80% of guys that contact me (only speaking for myself) are only looking for something "casual" or just for a hookup. So when you figure that in....can you see how it would be annoying to get a message that just says hi sexy? I'm not super great at initiating contact either, but like I said, just asking someone how their day or week is going is pretty easy to say and doesn't really have the chance of coming off as having an agenda. Granted I suppose some people will get offended at anything.

A guy made a post on here today saying that he gets upset that women don't respond when he says hi (that's where my tangent with you went). If that's all a guy writes to me, I wonder if he has any conversation skills? Is he just clicking on every woman and writing hi without even looking at their profile?

I don't need flowery words or something super profound.....but yeah, I do expect more than just hi or hey sexy. Honestly, I think the day I made my original post I was frustrated by yet another guy just wanting sex. It gets to the point where I feel like my only value is my holes. If I feel that way I can't imagine how beautiful women must feel!

I'm trying to think if there is anything I can relate this to for a man's perspective. The only thing I'm coming up with is being constantly messaged and asked if you're generous. Maybe that's changed but my understand a few years ago that was code for generous with money....buying gifts and whatnot. Imagine only being valued by the dollar you make. Still not the same thing because it's not your body. I'm probably not explaining myself very well.

@Marcie1974 Sure. Sorry I mis-interpreted the reply. Anyway I will say this about it because it is funny to read in EVERY profile "No hookups or casual.". You know what makes it a hookup or casual? Neither person being very interested but interested enough. People that don't want hookups should not hookup. If you don't want casual, don't do casual. I am also not "interested" in hookups, however, if we hookup and she doesn't reply after I also don't lose too much sleep over it. Such is life but my intent is to find someone same as everyone else. I assume that is true for everyone and don't let a few silly people ruin it for me.
Anyway my point is dating kinda is about sex isn't it? It is the ONLY thing that separates my female friends and a "girlfriend" or potential SO. I am not getting married to have sex with someone. In fact in many ways the the gf always has alot of catch up to do to be at the same "friend" level. So it is sort of difficult to remove sex from dating in general. You aren't going out with people you don't think you will find attractive. I mean I know within seconds of meeting someone if I am going to want to kiss them or not whether it happens or not is another thing. If I don't it is a rather short date now. Plenty of ways to make friends out there that aren't considered dating like meetup groups etc.

I have maybe a funny story you read profiles (and this is why I hate dating too BTW) and the girl I was going to meet said she wanted 'old school' romance. Cool, I can try that even though I haven't done that since with high school with anyone I hadn't already gone way beyond a phone number with but what the hell. First thing is she wouldn't let me pick her up. OK fine I get the safety aspect...makes sense. When I brought a flower out of my jacket she was like...that is weird I am out of here. I was like OK old school is WTF exactly? LOL. The waitress thought it was awesome. I decided right there dating was out. Its a dumb game. Be clear and be aware of yourself. Now I will meet with people I find attractive and I feel no pressure at all. I know some have ghosted me because I wear a hat and go in pretty casual but you know what...I am not likely to be interested in their game anyway. I want a friend I ALSO want to kiss and see naked alot so playing some game I don't understand makes no sense to me. Romance is different for everyone and I am through tryong to guess what that is. Romance requires more knowledge and a deeper understanding of someone than a few paragraphs in a bio. I am a decent human and fun so eventually it'll figure itself out. Life has been much easier since that first/last embarrassing dating moment

@maxhyde yeah I get what you mean about people who put no casual or hookups. For me, I’ve got a couple friends I can go to if I need some physical action. I don’t want to go out on one date, have sex, and never see the guy again. I had my slutty phase where I was out and experimenting. Now I’d like to find one person to date and hopefully eventually turn into a relationship. With actual feelings! Lol

@Marcie1974 Yeah and I totally get that is way more of an issue for you than me. I am less likely to run into a gal using me for sex than a woman is with a man. Just think it is a safe assumption if you are going out on a date that the other is potentially interested in sex at some point or why even go?