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What would you do if you're on your death bed, and an evangelist comes around to preach the gospel of Jesus to you for the last time?

Me: I would kick him out of my sight using my last strength; because I wouldn't entertain superstitious man yelling the name of Jesus on my ears while I take the last bow to return my atomic fragments back to the earth.

Who do you think you can scare with death? Certainly not atheists.
Would that be ur response?

Greenheart 7 Dec 4
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17 comments

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1

Act possessed, and say something to the effect of "its too late he's mine" as I laugh fiendishly, scream, and appear to convulse.

2

I may be generalizing, but most of the chaplains that frequent hospitals believe that once saved, always saved. I'd tell him I prayed the sinner's prayer back in 1983, so "Fuck Off".

Oh the nice guy approach...

3

Thank you for your concern but your God does not exist.

1

I don't live in terror of being proselytized against my will by some hospital chaplain or visiting do-gooder. If it happens ... well it's in the same class as doctor malpractice and flesh-eating bacteria, I guess it just happens. I would kindly but clearly request that they cease and desist, and my guess is that even if I had to involve the nurses or something they would have to stop. Is it really worth worrying about or fantasizing about? I just don't feel at all besieged on a day to day basis about such things. The closest I come is the constant drumbeat of horrible news coming out of Washington which I know is largely driven and enabled by evangelical ideologies. But when I'm on the home stretch and almost to the clearing at the end of the path, I doubt even someone praying for what they imagine to be my eternal soul would be more than one final annoyance.

Endpoints are wonderful things. I try to focus on that.

2

I'd tell him to go out and get a real job.

2

I hope I'd be able to muster up one last loogie to huck!

Xena Level 6 Dec 4, 2018
3

Spread my germs. "You want Jesus, cough, cough. Go visit him yourself." Spittle, spittle.

2

I would tell this person to sod off. I did not need your nonsense all these years, so why now?

3

If one were to sneak in, because my family knows better than to invite one, no one would be surprised if, with my last breath, I said "fuck off".

2

My son has specific instructions to NOT allow any and all holy rollers near me (that includes my sister). If he isn't there, then I will have instructions with the nurse's station to have security called if they come in.

I refuse to spend my last hours with those idiots.

4

This happened to me. I had a massive blood clot or something. I woke up in the hospital and this guy was holding my hand. I jerked my hand back and I said who are you and what are you doing? He told me is the pastor at the Methodist church and was praying me into heaven or something. I told him I didn't believe any of that crap and told him to get out of the room. He now works at my local Lowes and recently helped me find electrician parts. Much more useful.

3

I'd pretend to be conjuring a demon.

4

"GO AWAY. I'm an atheist. Leave me alone!"

I would ring the bell for the nurse and tell him or her to throw them out.

4

Ring for the nurse and tell her to ban him and up the morphine.

i would hope that i'd be so fucked up i wouldn't know he was there

5

Just saying

2

I'd puke on him ... a la "The Exorcist" !

Pea soup!

@Hominid No - real, nasty, slimy, chunky pre-death stuff ! heh-heh

3

Hopefully I live a long life and at some point figure out how to use the fact of my iminant demise to fundamentally shake the fools faith in god.

Failing that

“I pledge myself myself to lord Cthulhu”

LOL

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