Let the Bitches hit the... FLLLOOOOOOOORR!

I am a full grown ass woman who pays her bills, professionally deals with the larger surplus of stupid humans more than any single person should, and I am still able to hold a moderate grip on my tongue.
But last night... Oh, last night!
Sit down a spell, Mama Aware1 gots her a story she's gonna tell you!

T'was the night before yesterday, when all through the insert work place here, not a common sense was tingling, not even a basic bitch thought. The guests were invited by the stage with great care, in hopes that musicians would inspire me NOT to swear. The food was nestled all warm in their chafers, while visions of basic manors danced in my head. With the caterers dressed in their suits, and I in my jacket, had just settled down, for a long Happy Holiday rap.
When out on the dance floor, there arose such a clatter- I sprang from my station, to see what was the matter!
Away to the ruckus I flew like a flash, I witnessed dumb Christian assholes who were behaving like typical redneck trash. The stage lights on the breasts of the now fallen ho, took off the luster of the simian doe.
When, what to my rage filled eyes should appear? But a miniature Pastor and her 8 tiny back-up hoes and their sneers. With a little-old charm, and too much good will, I knew in a moment, this bitch BETTER pay the bill.
More rapid than any common STI her coursers they came, and keened and she shouted and called them by name: Now, Obnoxious! Now, Petty! Now, Worthless and Witch! On, Cowardly! On, Cheap! On Meaningless and Constant Pussy Itch! To the top of the steeple, to the top of the stage, Now rant away, rant away all!
As the dry heaves begin after a raucous party flies, to the floor they crashed, sending vitriol to the sky.
So out to the cold winter night the coursers they flew, with a rented limo, the preacher bitch too!
And then a quiet moment, I heard from the dance floor, the prancing and retching as the idiots were back for more. With my head in my hands, I was turning around, Down to the microphone, the Preacher was bound. She was dressed all in sequins from her head to her butt, And her clothes were are make from poor children in a hut.
A score of Bible verses spewed from her mouth, And she sounded like a living hate-speech bred from the south.
Her eyes- how they twinkled! Her lipstick, so berry! Her cheeks like smeared roses. Her nose like a... loud bitch who needs to just shut the fuck up I have ANYTHING else I could be doing!
Finally laying a finger beside my nose, I turned to the caters, It's time to GO!
We sprung to the kitchens with a tune and great speed, And away we all flew, wanted this bitch to bleed.
But I heard her exclaim, ere she ran out of bull, I'm complaining to the manager, this service was awful!

Aaaand that's the story of the time I hosted a Christmas church service that lasted until 12:30 in the morning.

Help control the idiot population; have your Righteous Religious Rednecks spayed or neutered.