Twas the night before christmas and all though the house
Everyone felt shitty, even that damn mouse
Mom drinking jack daniels and dad smoking grass
Me I'd just settle for a nice piece of ass
When out one the lawn arose such a clatter
I sprang for my piece to see what was the matter
Out on the lawn I saw a big fat man dressed in red
He was taking a piss in moms flower bed
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell
I knew in a moment that fucker had fell
He filled all the stocking with pretzels and beer
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart
The son of a bitch he blew it apart
He swore and he cursed and lit up a blunt
Piss on you you all and a hell of a night

Good night