I went back to college just before AARP hunted me down to join their ranks. I went to college a second time all the WRONG reasons: I wanted to be an English major.

English majors are mostly in their late teens and early 20's. They plan to teach English in public school. Forget that. They're almost always YOUNG women. About 80% are single.

I learned to take the fewest classes and still be a full time student. When my class was over, I headed over to the computer lab to type up my notes and use Spark's Notes to write my homework.

After that, if a struggling comely coed was sociable I'd e-mail my notes to her. It was a major help for her. Some of them credit me for not flunking out of college.

Out of gratitude, they'd hang out with this old goat on campus. It was nothing to cross campus with a herd of arm candy. It confused their better looking and far younger boyfriends

Since I was get a low interest loan for a full time student I had enough money to invest in stocks. The Dow Jones at that time was at 8,000. I sold out when it hit 24,000 and paid off my student loans. I kept asking for student loan forbearance to keep for years to dodge payments. I was investing with a student loan and living frugally.

While I was doing that, I started dating a gal who was closer to my age three states over. When she decided to visit me, I showed her my university.

The arm candy kept running up to her and telling her what a wonderful guy that I am, often with their confused boyfriends in tow.

There I was, hot babes everywhere fawning over me while I escorted my girlfriend, Petunia (she was in her mid-40's), around the campus.

The day I graduated, instead of attending graduation services I married Petunia.

Now, over a decade later, if Petunia catches me talking to good looking woman Petunia drags me away from my new friend.

Petunia also checks my e-mail because that's how we met: on line.