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What will we write in our pages of this year?

Mine: reach my errant teenager's heart. Show my step teenager that momma's give their all for their kids, including step ones. See my youngest daughter with multiple learning challenges graduate high school and enroll in college. See my next youngest daughter start college. See my two middle boys find the loves of their lives. See my oldests continue to thrive. And me... get thru these two thumb replacement surgeries, continue to find meaning and significance in my own life, and enjoy my second chance at love.

What will you write?

By SaucyCheryl8
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You sound like a force of nature. I suppose that you have to be.

You may not be able to reach the "errant" one on your timeline, but be patient (endlessly so) and understand that increasingly at that age, they have their own responsibility and it's not really all on you anymore. The other thing is that even if it's your child you have to take care of yourself. If she's cruel to you, have healthy boundaries and don't allow abuse.

My super-difficult stepdaughter is 25 and we're still worried and mostly heartbroken over her. Parents we know who had similar experiences tell us there's hope; sometimes it takes into their 30s before they understand that you're not a lame fool that they must constantly abreact to. At least in the meantime she is stably and gainfully employed and in what appears to be a decent relationship.

mordant Level 8 Jan 1, 2019

This youngest son, 13, has been much harder than his 6 older siblings combined. He is also a type 1 diabetic since age 4 and is sabotaging his health. The step(ish) kiddo is 16 yr old boy of my significant other, who has just been flat neglected by mom, he is living with us now, and dad is going for full custody. He just needs some structure and someone to show him some concern. He has been living off of ramen and frozen burritos and at my house he gets home cooked meals. He is blown away and I just go in the other room and cry.

I read this article today and boy can I relate. []

@SaucyCheryl Yeah my stepdaughter is definitely suffering in part from some sort of attachment disorder but I think it is a combination of the social factors mentioned in your linked article and mental health issues. Her failed attachments (to both her biological parents) was in evidence from the beginning, and was simply made worse by social factors. Also, she's a completely different personality from her mother, and in some just universe where children were parceled out to the exact ideal parent for each and every one, I don't think those two would have been paired off. That was (and is) a child who needs to really be sat on, to get substantive push-back and tough love, and frankly neither his mother nor I (nor her biological father) are really equipped for that sort of thing on a sustained basis. Also, shared parenting / divided household is not helpful for that kind of child either. Still, we work with what we have and do our best.


No idea..

Charlene Level 9 Jan 1, 2019

Thumb replacements?

my guess is likely very much like a knee joint replacement, only it is the thumb joint. I used to work in disability claims and I had a dental assistant who had a thumb joint replacement. She was out of work for weeks. I have arthritis pretty bad in my left thumb. If it was my right thumb I'd be considering replacement. As it is I am RHD (right hand dominant) and the left thumb is often kind of redundant.

@HippieChick58 You would be correct. Bilateral thumb joint replacement with ligament grafts. Left hand in January 10th.

@SaucyCheryl good luck

@SaucyCheryl That is coming right up, hope it turns out well and you have a speedy recovery. I am going to suck down Aleve from now til the end of time for my thumb. The idea of surgery just doesn't appeal to me. My grandmother was 5'11" and used to complain about "my damn thumb" as she rubbed the base of her thumb on her left hand. So I am 5'5", and I have "my damn thumb." She couldn't have passed on her height, no I got her damn thumb.

@HippieChick58 I got those crappy arthritis genes too, Chick! After my bilateral knee replacements 18 mos ago, this seems like child's play. But we shall see. Often the small and insignificant can bring you to your knees.


Wow, SaucyCheryl, being a step parent is HARD! I had one from age 15. She was not a good parent, or for that matter not a good person. Teens are hard. One of my kids was headed in a really bad direction and we got her involved with a Caregiver Night Out program. The program provided crafts and entertainment for young adults with disabilities while their caregivers got some time to themselves. My challenging teen had to be threatened to go in the first night, and when I picked her up she was SO EXCITED!!! She had a fabulous time and went eagerly after that. I think that was the point of change for her. She still had her moments, but today she is an amazing person; grounded, compassionate, and kick ass and take names for the less advantaged. Good luck in reaching and guiding your challenging children. Mothering is the best job I ever had.

Yep. Truth. I came into my stepchildren's lives when they were 15 and 16 respectively. Ten years on, the girl, I have been unable to reach; indeed, her mother has been unable. The boy however, has become my favorite human being. He has tremendous integrity, a fantastic work ethic, is respectful, principled, and I now have the privilege of mentoring him in software development in between his undergrad and graduate endeavors -- it dovetails nicely with his interests in math and philosophy, especially modal logic. In two week's time, he officially will be working for me, learning the ropes from the bottom up. When my biological son died just before the Trumpocalypse, this young man of few words came up to me, looked me in the eye, and firmly said, "you still have me". And that meant so, so much.

You just can't be sure of outcomes when it comes to children (or Other People generally). I never know whether to laugh or cry -- my two stepchildren being examples of each of those things. I'll take what I can get ... and let the rest be as it is. There's nothing else for it.

It certainly is challenging


I am still working on my list, but here are some I sure have to follow: Do not make impulsive $ investments, spend wisely and cautiously; get better on time management and spend more quality time with my love ones. But most important one - HAVE a designated place for my prescription glasses and STICK to the rule. ?

Zoohome Level 7 Jan 1, 2019

Very good, Zoo! I need that designated place for my keys! Great idea!


The best of luck with everything, Cheryl!

My wishes for 2019: find something that starts when my current work assignment ends. Have sex this year. In general, a better year than 2018 was

I hear ya. 2018 was not a great year.

@SaucyCheryl One setback after another for me. Thankfully, no permanent damage was done.

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