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28 9

Ok...I've been up all night thinking about this. Don't beat up on me, but if let's say I'm leaning in such a way that makes me feel I want nice physical contact, but no long term commitment, would friends with benefits be the solution? Is it, or would it be so wrong? It may read like I'm only out for one thing, but really I'm almost thinking practical here. Sex seems like bad word/term/thing (sometimes) but can't it be sensitive, loving and caring even if it's temporary or fleeting? Hippie-ish...love the one you're with? I don't know, just 3:30am thoughts after some booze.

By Ron_R7
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28 comments

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9

Nothing morally or ethically wrong with mutually beneficial sex, as long as you both want the same
no-strings thing. Check in regularly to ensure you are still on the same page. Skin hunger is a real, and there should be no shame in seeking comfort and pleasure.

UUNJ Level 8 Jan 5, 2019
7

Just don't forget the friends part. Be respectful and treat your partner like a human being and not a sex toy. So many guys don't get this part. I have had a fwb since June and he treats me with more decency and respect than guys I have "dated." We don't talk much between our meetups but he usually asks if I want to go for drinks or dinner when we meet. He us interested in seeing me the person and not just my ladybits.

Sorcha Level 6 Jan 5, 2019

That is wonderful and makes me happy to read!

6

Ok, so here's the thing. There is nothing wrong with friends with benefits. Heck! There's nothing wrong with one night stands, or poly relations or any of the other, often stigmatized, options out there. I personally am more comfortable with a monogamous commitment, but I don't think other people's ideals of love or what kind of relationship is right for them is any less right for them than my way is for me. The problem I often see in this area is communication. And on that note, there are two sides to the coin. First off, honesty is a must or its a bust from the get go. If you have a person convinced that you are committed and really you are not, that's not cool. But if the parties involved have not stated what their intentions are, how do you know you are on the same page, or even reading the same book? And often I see this at play, one thinking they have found true love and the other thinking they have found a friend with benefits and both end up unhappy and stressed in the end. People end friendships over this sort of thing and it doesn't have to be that way. Sure, there will still be folks who are hurt that they want more than you do out of it but they won't feel cheated or lied to And that's where bad blood starts. So go for it! You do you and whoever else you feel like doing! ? just make sure you are both heading the same way.

Byrd Level 7 Jan 5, 2019

Well stated.

@jlynn37 thank you kindly!?

6

IF you can stay just fwb it is a great set-up IF you are actually Friends!! However, MOST of these setups are not friends, they are bars are closing 2am calls from a drunk male or female just now remembering your name. Who wants that kinda "friend."??

5

That's fine if you're up front about what you want. Someone usually catches feels at some point though.

Aye. Therein lies the rub.

@KKGator I see what you did there.

@maturin1919 Who, me??? smile009.gif

5

We all have needs. It’s not wrong as long as you both know what the expectations are or aren’t. That’s where it can get sticky.

@Ron_R as others have stated someone usually ends up feeling something. I don’t know that it really ever ends well. It can be a slippery slope but people want someone to connect with sexually and I think sometimes to spend some time with.... but not on a continual basis. Good luck

4

Nothing wrong with wanting sex without long-term attachment.
As long as those involved are in agreement as to the terms.

The biggest thing to remember is that although things may start out
one way, with everyone agreeing to terms, time can and often does change
things.
It has been my experience that FWB relationships most often have a very
short shelf-life. Best to be prepared for that.
Good luck.

KKGator Level 9 Jan 5, 2019
4

I think you've come to a very intelligent, honest, and practical conclusion.

Being intelligent, honest, and practical are not to be viewed as negative assests, in my opinion.

4

Dude... let's just be blunt here, it's called a fuck buddy.
Been looking for one all my life.
Problem is, both have to understand that being a fuck buddy ISN'T a relationship.
Strange but true.

I've tried to explain that, as well. It's easier said than done. You're correct.

Fuck buddies don't necessarily have to be friends.

4

As long as the two involved are on the same page, there is nothing wrong with it.

4

I am with @maturin1919 on this one. People find it convienient to ignore the fact that physical intimacy can be responsible for deep bonding (read love, if you want). Ask yourself if that nut is really worth potentially hurting someone emotionally and go from there.

The person he hurts may be himself.

@maturin1919 Absolutely agree.

@Ron_R Speaking only for myself, if I had a satisficing relationship, I would stop improving myself so I could find the truly satisfying one. Lonliness is a literal killer for our species, so my heart hurts for you. Think through all contingencies from your and a partner's perspective (as well as you can) and move forward decisively. ???

4

Just be honest. What two consenting adults do is absolutely no one's business. A friend tried that for a while. He and the woman fell in some form of love and she chose her family (her husband knew) over being with him.

4

You need to be up front with just having a FWB, from what I have heard it seems one person will end up in love and hurt.

3

Sex is good. Having lots of sex is good. I think it is best with someone you love, but if you don't have that, then having sex with someone you like would be the next best thing.

sfvpool Level 7 Jan 5, 2019
3

There is nothing wrong with this scenario as long as both parties are on the same page. Both are clean, honest and trustworthy about other sexual partners while you are both ‘benefiting’, and both are understanding that this set up will end if something long term or potentially serious comes along.

Hazydays Level 7 Jan 5, 2019
3

I prefer to have a monogamous friend with benefits.

Of all the men I can choose from, I just want one... even just for sex.

Probably the way both men and Women are "Wired" being exclusive,having him your "Man" as he should think of you as his "Woman". Husband, Wife,partners,maybe,or just really good friends?

3

I’ve had very satisfying FWB. From my perspective though, a lot of men forget about the friends part. Please text her occasionally just to see how her day went, etc. Don’t just text every couple weeks expecting a booty call.

Emotions can come into play as well and that can be tricky.

But otherwise I see nothing wrong with it so long as you’re both on the same page. Good luck!

@Ron_R usually. But I’ve found some men forget the friends part of FWB

@Marcie1974 /dons flame retardant undies
That's because what they really want is a free hooker, just one that doesn't appear to be the transaction that it really is.

I wouldn't suggest the follow up "after care" text unless it's sincere on the other person's part because that is too close to "relationship" behavior, risking a "situationship".
If it's not in him to do that and be genuinely invested , personally would not like the mask-wearing in that scenario.

3

Like others said, no it's not wrong if you are up front and honest. How did we become such a shame based species?

Rudy1962 Level 9 Jan 5, 2019

Religion.

3

How about a hug ((((hug))))?

Amisja Level 8 Jan 5, 2019

And bit of snuggling and cuddling sans sex.

@jlynn37 Well I wasn't offering sex, especially from 1000's miles away.

@Amisja I specifically said sans sex.

@Ron_R hugs...sweetie lots and lots (Its my speciality)

@Ron_R Like,Fire up the lawnmower and do the front and back yards,wash the cars,do all the laundry, scrub all the walls? Egads!

3

As long as you are honest about what you want up front, no problem. Different strokes for different folks.

@Ron_R Well, it's not my cup of tea. But I wouldn't judge those that chose it. Personally, I think it's just a copout and shallow.

2

Find a "Hugger" service,there's a married Woman who's husband is OK with her using it. She gets the physical contact with no sex for emotional support.

Mike1947 Level 7 Jan 5, 2019
2

I'm going to address this cuz no one else has. If by strange chance you meet a woman who is emotionally unavailable that's your FWB but no matter who it is, you need to be monogamous in the relationship for a) trust issues b) STD issues and c) in case it becomes more for either of you and you must discuss this a few times when you meet that this is STILL FWB and nothing more. My sister has a friend who has a 3x a week arrangement for sleep overs w/boyfriend/FWB Works for them over 35 + years.

2

I understand completely. I am at this same spot. I want/need the physical act of sex but don't want any relationship requirements. There is nothing wrong with a fwb or hookup. I don't have any real advice, just understanding.

Doraz Level 7 Jan 5, 2019

@Ron_R Yes, this is true for me. And sexual needs are also influencing my decisions. ?

@Ron_R Yes. I understand.

1

There is nothing wrong with it, but it will end abruptly when one of you meets someone you are serious about, and it will happen. I have been there and that is the way it ends. That is fine too. It is not that easy to find someone who would be happy with that arrangement. A lot of men would love to have that, women not so much.

Sticks48 Level 9 Jan 15, 2019
1

As long as a partner agrees to terms - no problem with any choices !

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