Celibacy vs. Sex - In the Theory of Balanceology, sex is viewed as an inherent need that humans at some level must satisfy. I am going to get myself into trouble here from some of the readers, but being an ex-Catholic I need to say what I need to say. What I am about to say I should have said a long time ago. I start by asking the question, “What does it take to live a truly celibate lifestyle?” According to Bishop Spong, "those who know anything about celibacy know that true celibacy is a rare and unique vocation to which few are called." (1990) First, a celibate lifestyle is an unnatural lifestyle. Period! In order to live such a lifestyle, a person is repressing their natural primal need for sex. Attempts to live a celibate lifestyle is the pride of battling Mother Nature, and I assure you that in one way or another Mother Nature always wins this battle. The Catholic Church’s rule of celibacy for its priests, monks, and nuns has profoundly crippled it morally, spiritually, and financially. Celibacy is one reason the Catholic Church is internally ripping itself apart. To think that at one time, during my early forlorn sexually repressive and obsessive younger days, I seriously thought of becoming a priest. To have become a priest, I would have entered a repressive rat hole that would have sadly robbed me from the great gift of sex. Such an unnatural lifestyle would have robbed me from exploring, experiencing, and connecting with other human beings my deeper needs for sex, love, morality, emotions, and various levels of consciousness. Referring to Ancient Greek mythic character Orpehus’ decision to take a vow of celibacy, Barnard Simon said it was “an unfortunate act of self-denial that opened the door into darkness.” (2004) A celibate lifestyle makes for a benighted darkness related to intimacy, morality, emotions, and psychological functioning. A denial of our sexuality is a denial of our humanity. The developmental delays generated from a celibate lifestyle sets the stage for a priest, monk, or nun to have a lifetime of juvenile sexuality. Sex affirms life - celibacy avoids life. Really, the fictionalized vow of celibacy places a person in a no win situation: 1.) breaking the vow of celibacy often makes for guilt, shame, and self-loathing. Those priests, monks, and nuns who respond to their primal sexual need, either periodically or continuously, it surely must take a huge amount of cognitive dissonance to continue their “celibate lifestyle,” and 2.) keeping the vow of celibacy, in my estimation, is by far more tragic for it means a life of repression, preoccupation, and permanently delayed sexuality. Psychologically and emotionally a tremendous amount of a defense mechanism such as regression, acting out, displacement, denial, substitution, etc. must be taking place in any attempt to dampen this human primal need. For example, and trying not to be too offensive or Freudian, I suggest that the Archbishop of New York, Cardinal Timothy M. Dolan’s excessive obesity is probably related to an oral sexual fixation that he attempts to satisfy through excessive food intake. I strenuously argue that those sad repressed individuals who have never explored and experienced their sexuality for themselves, and with another human, for at least some period of time in their life, that it is impossible for them to be emotionally, psychologically, behaviorally, and yes spiritually healthy. Impossible!
A great many highly accomplished people have delayed or forgone marriage in order to dedicate themselves fully to their careers. From that perspective the Church’s requirement for the celibacy of priests seems more rational. Remember when women school teachers were required to be unmarried? It is an old and outmoded rule in both cases.
If anyone truly wants to do without sex they ought to wait until they are 76 years old when it is much easier.
Given that the etymological roots of celibacy (not married) don't address sexuality, and that up until a few decades ago reliable birth control didn't exist, I suspect that the original religious resistance to marriage was more about the avoidance of family responsibilities and inheritance liabilities than sexual satisfaction per se. Religious disciplines typically do advise against overindulgence in any of the appetites, but I don't see any historical justification for strict sexual abstinence other than misguided, slavish adherence to an obsolete tradition originally aimed at something that, at the time, was inseparable from sex. A few individual exceptions notwithstanding, humans, by and large, never fully win any battle with Mom Nature. The closest we ever get is when we learn to use Mom's rules to our benefit.
What the post does not recognize is the sociological aspect of celibacy in the catholic church. Like it or not the organization has continued for a milenia and a half partly due to a lack of nepotism. The absence of children to follow into the family business leaves it as the longest surviving meritocracy in history. No G. W, Bush or his ilk as pope.
@PalacinkyPDX, @Elganned I did not say it was a perfect meritocracy just that the celibacy rule tended to avoid family dynasties. Certainly more than other organisations
What was the question?
You're talking to a bunch of people that are celibate and we seem to be doing ok with it. Granted it isn't our choice but if so and so didn't live 7,362 miles? away from me I'm sure we would be going to town on each other so much you would get sick of all the ejaculatory gloating.
I have been celibate for almost 5 years. No sex toys, nothing. I don't recommend it to anyone, but it's what I've chosen.
I meditate, exercise, and keep my mind as busy as I can from the thought of sex until the right man for me comes along. He's gonna be in for a huge surprise after he experiences me.
Reason being, I haven't met anyone who wants to be with me for me. If a guy's only constant compliment to me is, "You're so hot. Oh, you're sexy, etc" he's not for me. While I appreciate compliments I don't like feeling like an object of sexual gratification.
To each his own.
@HomeAloneSunday I would have gone with the 18-year old girl boobs.
I'm sorry about your disgust with men. Men are actually fascinating creatures. I've been fortunate to have met great men. I can't say I've ever had a terrible experience with them. They've all been very nice to me.
You are beautiful, Ma'am. May you have the strength to make the right choices for you, and I hope you meet a wonderful man. Big hugs?❤
@HomeAloneSunday A real friend would have told you to get the boobs. Not for vanity, but because of what you went through.
I would have supported you and encouraged you. I probably would have gotten a boob job as moral support!
I'm not sure why you expect trouble from us. You certainly won't get it from me.
Your point about arrested development is well-taken. Ironically, the only way for sex to be unmasked as the truly mundane and ho-hum thing it ultimately is, is to get it out of your system. Cast yourself into it with abandon, until you figure out that it's messy, ridiculous, absurd, and fraught with the conflicting (and often unspoken) needs / desires of Other People, as well as their personal problems and approach avoidance. Abstinence / celibacy is the exact opposite of what's needed to reduce our sexuality down to something manageable ... otherwise it just becomes a magic totem to be sought after at any cost.
There are a group of men ( incels ? ) who, by virtue of their unattractiveness remain virgins. My guess is that they do not want the women they could have ( women as unattractive as they are ) and resent that the hotties they DO want would not piss them out if they were on fire. Tough shit, Fernando. Diet, work out, do something about those ZITS. Concentrate on your wardrobe and get aggressive with personal hygiene. If you are a creep, try Zig Zigler and pretending you have a personality. There is someone for everyone, just don't reach for the best when you are the worst. You are entitled to nothing, but if you check out the bottom feeders you may find someone who might actually LOVE you as well as fuck you. Just don't have kids. Celibacy is wrong, totally un natural, and you will be a more pleasant if you have sex a couple of times a week.
That turned into an unwarranted personal attack pretty quick.
@Anonbene That was not intended as a personal attack. Sorry. I was agreeing with you. Celibacy is not natural, and leads to all kinds of wrong thinking and wrong behavior.