I've been thinking about how my religious background failed to teach me how to love. I was raised to worship a God in the sky who loves me unconditionally but requires I worship him. I think my mental knowledge and teachings of love has been wrong all my life. I was wired to love with conditions. Any advice or thoughts on this?
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Well the first thing you got wrong is God loves you unconditionally. To the best of my recollection if you disobey him he will send you to hell to burn in pain forever. So forget that part. I don't see how you were wired to love with conditions Jama. You can love unconditionally just like anyone else. If you want proof turn around and look at your children. The conditional love of which you speak is only toward a fictional character. It should not apply to human beings. Loving is not something that is taught, anymore than having a sense of humor. It is natural. If you need more help text Wildflower. I think she would be willing to help you. She is a social worker and I'm not sure of the ethics involved since you are not face-to-face or a patient.
mooredolezal
Level 7
Mar 11, 2019
1
It's funny (not) that so many Christians talk about how important it is to love. In a recent magazine I found at our library's free periodical shelf, "Tomorrow's World", put out by a group, 'Living Church of God', the editor talked about the importance of love. He also mentioned that some people, gays and transgender's were not worthy of love so they could be excluded. There seems to always be a but with these people and the but seems to always include non-tribal members.
JackPedigo
Level 9
Mar 11, 2019
0
@VictoriaNotes And the recent meeting between the Pope and the leader of the Mormon (I won't use the lengthened version) addressed the problem of their lowering members due to the secularization of the western world. Maybe if they would stop molesting children and subjugating women they might not be in such dire straits. Anything I can do to speed up this process, I will.
@VictoriaNotes "...the United States is secularizing in the same way as comparable countries. We are convinced by the steep downward trend in average religiousness noted by Voasand Chaves (2016). Clearly, America appears to be secularizing. ." I will assume that those "liberal" churches (I know and was once a part of a couple) are not becoming more extreme but are, perhaps, one driving force of the surge in secularization in this country. I would also think that instead of the US as a whole I would think some regions (like yours) are becoming more extreme and some areas (like mine) are becoming less so. As some areas become more secure in income and social benefits they will continue to become more secular and visa versa. Groups like the Humanist and FFRF are doing a lot to change the religious geography. Also, one sect, the Catholic Church, is in decline in the US. Unfortunately, the present politics are trying to change things but that, too is shifting.
I don't know (or remember) if you saw my comments on the talks we had this weekend from a former Mormon professor. He quit the church and gave up on a tenure route and had to start all over. He teaches at WSU (Ellensburg riverotter11 turf) and was very open about his atheism. He talked on civility and ethics (exactly what admin sent recently - I gave him a copy of the rules).
@VictoriaNotes It's not about overly optimistic (you know me better by now). Secularism is gaining ground especially among millennial's. We do have a long battle and I am willing and am able to be a part of it. I wonder how many of these religious people are coming from other states or other countries. Most of S. America is religious and with all the disasters in the mid-west and East I am sure many are fleeing to more stable places. Last I looked, California is still mostly a blue state and one of the leaders for environmental action. The recent uptake in measles has prompted many states to seriously look at dropping the religious exemption for not getting vaccinated including Wash.
One thing I promote is publishing the black collar crime. I send the link whenever I get a chance. People need to know their kids are at risk from clergy in all denominations.
@VictoriaNotes I love your insights! Always keep them coming! Never apologize. And yes, the emotional abuse relgion teachers is horrific.
@VictoriaNotes This chain has started my head to spin and I have come up with some thoughts which include examples. I don't want to beat the proverbial dead horse but I don't think the horse is actually dead. If you want my ideas let me know.
@VictoriaNotes Thank you, this will give me time to organize my thoughts and check a few facts. Believe it or not this often helps me formulate ideas.
Most people have not red the bible. They only know bits and pieces that the priest tell them. They would be very surprised if they knew what an horrible person? God is. Angry, vengeful, always ready to punish and always ready to interfere when it suits him.
Jolanta
Level 9
Mar 11, 2019
0
Remember the xtian god's love is conditional too. He supposedly loves you, but if you break his rules, he will torture you horrifically forever.
I don't think unconditional love is possible in a romantic sense. Between parents and children it may be, but even then it's not common.
I think we all have limits on what we can accept from a loved one. Could you love a man who cheats on you, abuses you, lies, or hurts your children? There is no way I could love a woman unconditionally. Even if one is extremely understanding and forgiving; there will be limits.
I think expecting unconditional love is unrealistic and maybe even unhealthy.
JimG
Level 8
Mar 10, 2019
1
Very true! I think we teach a fake love. What I was taught about love just doesnt seem real anymore.
JimG:
@Jama765 I don't think you can be taught what love is. Some things must be experienced.
I had a conversation with my son Monday. The night before his son was born. I told him, "I won't try to describe what you're about to experience. I really wouldn't know how, but you'll understand soon." After the baby was born, I know what he felt and that his whole world changed, but words can't express it.
I'm certainly no expert, but I feel like saying a couple of things. Love is difficult to put in a box. It's a lot of things, and there is probably no subject that has been written about more often or at greater length.
But two things come to mind. The feeling love, and the intention love. For me, the feeling is conditional upon the amount of affection I happen to feel for the loved one. There's no way to fake it. I feel it or I don't.
The intention love is more complicated. It's a thing I can choose to do for any reason or no reason at all. It consists of taking the time and effort to get to know the real needs of the beloved (not what I want for them) and then supplying those needs to whatever extent I am able or care to, with no expectation of anything in return other than the satisfaction of being useful.
Whatever masquerades as love but has no genuine affection, or expects a return on investment, is commerce at best, or abject fraud. I see nothing wrong with commerce, as long as all parties understand it as such from the outset, but fraud is always short of acceptable.
skado
Level 9
Mar 10, 2019
1
Thank you! Very intriuqing post.
My wife and I are both givers, which works out well. Neither of us gives with the specific goal of getting reciprocated. But we've both been with takers before and that is just too draining. It sucks the life out of a giver. I don't know what happens when two takers get together. I realize that sorting everyone into givers and takers is simplistic.
schwinnrider
Level 6
Mar 10, 2019
1
That is what I'm struggling with. I am a giver, but the most important adult in my life is a taker. It is draining, but shouldnt I continue to give if my love is genuine?
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