Tommy, I've walked the widow's path. My husband died from cancer 11 years ago this month. Nothing hurts like it. I worked hard and long to stay alive, to find reason to wake up each morning. I won't tell you it's anything but the toughest of work, BUT, it ends up being worth it. Joy and peace eventually return. Thoughts of D make me smile now. I am glad that I stuck around for that to become true again. I have one suggestion, it helped me during my journey. I circled up with other widows online. Only they really understand. There might be several, but the one I liked best was widda.org.

Be strong, man.

How are the kids?

Hey Tommy, please post again with more information, or message me if you need someone to talk to about this. You're not alone in the world with these feelings of despondency, and I know things can feel overwhelming or pointless sometimes, but in time I promise you it gets better, your story will go on. There's another chapter to your story, you just need to be patient with it & hold on. Please feel free to message me or post more information.

I often find myself jealous of believers because they are able to find comfort in their beliefs when times are especially difficult. I am sorry for your loss, my heart breaks for you but please stay strong!

I'm so terribly sorry for your loss. Thinking she is in a better place helps no one. She was in a wonderful place and she had you. Take solace in that. Cherish her memory. Carry her with you and let her live on in that way. Stay strong.

You should share your story with others, and it may influence them to actively appreciate the ones they love who are still alive.
Your pain could be someone else's chance to change, and maybe that might heal you a bit.
In your wife's honor, I just sent a small text to my mom, hoping she has a great week.

Tommy, I am so sorry for your loss. I hope the love of friends and family will sustain you through this most difficult of times. I find that not believing in a god when a loved one dies is very challenging. We like to think that our dearly departed is somewhere safe and that they are happy and looking down on us with love. Somehow that makes it easier. For atheists, there is no such construct so where do we turn in our anguish?

I dealt with this earlier this year when a long time friend lost a daughter at 36 years old. Our daughters had played together and I was devasted and furious with the Catholic priest who kept talking about god's reward. I ended up talking to our local secular celebrant about how best to process the grief of the loss of a young woman, wife, and mother and seeing the utter anguish of my best friend as she struggled with the loss. Talking with the celebrant helped. She understood in a way that no clergy could ever have since I had such a different perspective than any religious person would have.

Try talking to like-minded people or a therapist. Share your grief. I know it doesn't seem like it now but it will get easier over time. Hang in there and know that you have friends here who care.

Thanks for your replys

Sorry for your loss

I can only imagine how terrible you must feeling.just face each day and that is all anyone can do under the circumstances.

Big hugs, Tommy. First of all, I am so sorry for your loss. I can't say I know how you feel. I am, however, a stage 4B cancer survivor. Almost two years ago I was given a 15% chance of surviving for 5 years. Honestly, being a non-believer didn't really change how I looked at death. I worried about leaving behind the living who relied on me... my mom, the guy I was with when I was diagnosed, my friends, and not least of all, my dogs. I would imagine life would be hardest for them, not for myself. I don't fear death. Not at all. I fear being left alone, though. I don't envy your position. I don't. I can only give you this advice. Keep seeking out the things that bring you joy. Always honor her memory, and allow yourself time to grieve and honor her, everyday. Loss is so hard, but life is still beautiful. You have to make a choice, at some point... now might be too soon, to live.