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I once read a study that when women are just being nice men think they're flirting and when men are flirting women think they're just being nice and now I'm never sure if a woman is flirting or not.

StevenMichael 5 Apr 14

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It’s worse than that. On two successive dates, one women got miffed because I tried to kiss her at the end of the date. On the second date, at the end, the woman got miffed because I did not try to kiss her. Talk about missed signals.


You're asking the wrong guy. I generally wait until she's clubbed me over the head and dragged me by the hair back to her place before developing moderate confidence where my prospects are concerned.

If you wait until you're being clubbed over the head I bet a lot of women have absolutely no clue you're remotely interested in them.

I was seeing someone with a big fat shy streak, or so I thought anyway. Advice from my step mom : "Tell him you like him EVERY DAY! He probably thinks you're not into him because you're such a beautiful girl". LOL 54 year old girl at the time she said this.
She continues on " I had to tell your Dad all the time , what he said was he never thought someone like me would be interested". (yeah right!) While she is beautiful my Dad was a player.
I love her but could not take her advice. I HATE chasing. HATE it! hate hate hate hate HAAATE it.

If I show interest JUMP on it or I'm going to rationalize it away.

Man, mine always scream and run away. Oh well

@Qualia Like I said, I'm clueless.


I am an introverted extrovert or vice-versa: I live alone, have very few friends, and like it that way. However, I am at ease in any social situation and very friendly. I have consistently found that men think I am flirting when I am just being friendly. IF I am truly flirting, an astute man will pick up on the signs.


I have always errored on the side of extreme caution . . . . most women just do not get it. It is not worth pushing your way into something if the other person is not interested it in.

THHA Level 7 Apr 14, 2019

As women get older they start telling you what they want. HUGE benefit


There are studies about this that many men are programmed to think this way.
It really hit home when a gay friend of my late husband's INSISTED "you used to hit on me back in the day". No such thing EVER happened! NOT once! I was just "carbonated". I hated to take him down a peg but his tone was just SO shit sure that was the truth (in his mind!) .
And yeah, I pretty much had/have to be given a painted sign to know if I'm being hit on.


All I know is if they start pulling fluff off your jumper, you're in business.

That's a good tell, and "dolphin bumping".

any equivalents on the guy side? I know some guys light bump too...but have never seen them "lint pick".

@Qualia Dolphin bumping? Lint picking? The fuck is even going on here? I swear, the older I get the more Urban Dictionary looks like Rosetta Stone...

@maturin1919 "lint picking" is grooming, bumping into unnecessarily, more than once is a hint... at least from me. Cheesy,. and oh so obvious/

@Qualia Newp, I'd be clueless.

@maturin1919 holding gaze just a little longer than necessary + lint picking + bumping = you are being hit on.

@Qualia But in my world that means I look funny, I'm dirty, and I'm clumsy...


I can see how that finding can be very confusing and counterintuitive. I once wrote down a few tweets from an article entitled "Proof You are Not a People Person" and your post reminded me of a few that made me laugh. I will share 3 of them here since they strike me as instructive: "It's amazing how a simple act of kindness can change my bad mood into a suspicious bad mood." And "I get paid to be nice at work. Not sure why family and friends expect that for free." And "You call this an awkward silence, but I assure you, this silence is less awkward than anything I might say". Anyway, I honestly think your first move is to discover whether you are talking to an introvert or an extrovert. Flirting is not always a skill introverts are good at....either at picking it up or at expressing least this has been my experience. (And not to be too stereotypical but in the U.S. , southerners flirt more than mid-westerners... in my experience, so you have to take into account where people are from and their customs when meeting new people.)


My strategy is to just assume that everyone who smiles at me is actually making fun of me, laughing inside at my deepest insecurities they'd have no way of knowing about. That way I develop an unwarranted, bitter resentment against people who are just trying to be friendly, and don't even have to worry about potential flirtation.

10/10 would recommend.


My friend Moira at work is a smiling girl, and I've overheard comments from people that seem to think she's flirting with them. Moira and I hang out a lot so I asked her about it and she told me that her face gets sore from smiling so much. I told her she needs to follow my example, I only smile if there's a joke and it's no joke when people tell you to fucking smile, take such suggestions seriously and put a stop to it immediately, otherwise you become an object.


found that extremely funny!


That's why I'm always such a jerk, removes all doubt about intention.

1of5 Level 8 Apr 14, 2019
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