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I have a buddy I was in Vietnam with. He is one of my best friends.
We have only met only once since we served together, but we talk on the phone at least once a month.
He is from the south and when I first met him he was very racist. I thought that he had changed because of fellow vets that he was friends with that are black.
I know that he is a Trump supporter. He knows how I feel about Trump so we just don’t talk about politics.
Our last phone conversation with him, he went off about “the god damn nggrs”. This went on for about a minute before I was able to change the subject and say goodbye.
I was shocked because I honestly thought he wasn’t racist anymore. He knows I am married to an Asian and has met my wife.
This is a man that I spent some horrible times with and we had a bond that can only be forged in war.
I am heart broken that a person that I have been in communication with for almost 50 years has these views. I can put up with his political views, but I don’t know if I can continue our friendship knowing that he is a racist.
I need to know what you all think.
Thank you.

Oldcurmudgeon 6 Apr 27

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29 comments (26 - 29)

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I just stop talking to people like that (full on racist, no "product off ignorance" issues). I feel like I should be able to think of a way to have a conversation about a productive growth experience or something, but I jyst can't. I avoid that sort of conflict I guess, it's just so difficult and unflinching.


I have the same struggle with a Trump fanatic nigger hater rich girl. Sorry for the n word. She kinda likes me. We were bullied in highschool together. It changed us for the better somewhat I think. I know that's not Vietnam but it was a kind of rite of passage and brotherhood for us. 50 years of good friendship. I think he needs an intervention. Your friend.


I love boundaries! Put them up. Warn them once. If it happens a second time. End it.

If people don't respect our boundaries, they don't respect US!

Using the 6 letter word beginning with the letter n is NEVER APPROPRIATE. Just don't say it. Ever. Don't listen to it. Don't read it. Don't type it.

Please do some research on the history of that word. It HAS ALWAYS BEEN USED as the worse kind of insult. It dehumanized people. And it's clearly used when discussing People of Color.


What a tough situation. It doesn’t appear as though he will come around to seeing through a different lens. Can you be true to yourself while being true to the friendship?

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