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Would you date someone who was one paycheck from being homeless? What if they were depending on you for a side job so they could pay their rent? No, you can't ask this person you just met for their W-2 at the bar. But after less then 2 months of dating this is an issue.

UrsiMajor 8 May 14
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7 comments

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1

You would never know if he really wanted to be with you, or just wanted someone to save him financially. I don't think incomes have to be exactly equal between partners, but it's risky to start off a relationship with it being so lopsided.

1

Financial responsibility and health are important to me, and I don't think I would be able to spend much time with someone who wasn't solvent. No, you can't ask for a P&L statement, but there are many 'tells' to look for either before meeting, or certainly after meeting someone.

1

I would have, sure. Been there myself and it didn't make me a bad person.

If I'm employing them no way I'd date them.

Now living paycheck to paycheck and spending cash at a bar I'd seriously balk at.

1of5 Level 8 May 14, 2019

Thanks. He spent cash at bars and chain smoked. I needed validation. I may have a guilty, filthy soul, but it is a soul.

@UrsiMajor double the filth and dump the guilt. 🙂

2

Well, no. Technically though, -I- live month to month on my disability income. (Family won’t allow me to become homeless).
I don’t expect a new partner to pick up my slack, ever. I’ve been single again since 2014 and don’t plan to marry or cohabitation again. So I don’t expect to be taken care of, nor to take care of a partner financially.

Thanks for sharing. His family wouldn't take him in. He asked to move in with me and my mom. I saved him by giving him renovation work on our kitchen instead,

2

I wouldnt . That's kind of a burden to start a relationship. But maybe I am too pragmatic?

3

Not any more.

3

NO.
There are people who see themselves as "rescuers," who like to take in needy people. Of course, the people take what they can get, and leave. But the "rescuers" never seem to learn. They complain of their romantic betrayals to everyone who will listen, then go out and do it again.

I was feeling guilty about the breakup. One of my besties says I need to work on looking out for me b/c nobody else will do it. Thanks for further validation. I know this breakup is tearing him up - but it just wouldn't work out.

I am such a rescuer. What you said is true.
@ursimajor the father of my son was like that. You can see I had a kid with him. I was actually able to improve him and he actually has a "kind of successful " company now. We broke up for other reasons, I actually let him go when he was on a better situation. But you carry so much if you try lifting them and helping. I don't think it's worth.
Sure, I have my only child from this relationship and he is a beautiful boy.

@Zoohome Thanks for sharing. Yeah, the first couple of months are great, then reality sets in. You start to see that you will have normal problems on top of the super abnormal ones.

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