I want to say too how sorry I am for your loss. I know how awful that pain is, like the rug being ripped from under your feet. The world being surreal. Let no one tell you to let it go. We absorb the pain and learn to live with it, but it does lessen. JUst remember that every tear you cry.........he was worth it.

Can I ask how old your kids are? My four were all under 8 when their dad died and they went to catholic school.( I was atheist) . I told the 7 yr and 4 yr old, the elder two, that dad had gone to heaven. If my eldest had been in a public school, the teacher would not have been allowed to talk about religion. But as it was a catholic school, and my son got up for show l to tell the class his dad had died suddenly, the class and teacher were very supportive.I think the kids were just curious. They had a discussion about how his dad was in heaven and they said a prayer. Being able to talk despite the fantasies) was a help to my son. The school also brought in a secular psychologist to work with him. The environment was so supportive to not just my son but to my whole family and i will never forget that. Strangers from the parish brought us meals.

I saw no difference between this and telling my kids about the easter bunny or santa. It may have brought some comfort and I don't regret that decision, nor does my son who at 27 has long outgrown such fantasies.

If my kids had been older I would've told them the truth. But it was hard enough explaining death and the fact that they will never see someone again. It was hard enough for ME to get my head around that, let alone my sons.

I don't in the least judge you mt4704 and hope you don't judge me. All we can do as mums in this most devastating time, is our best. Being rational at a time of such grief is a big ask. As I write this......nearly 20 years later, I am still overwhelmed with sadness. But i remind myself how lucky I was to have had such a wonderful man, who's legacy is four amazing young men.

You are a realist not a fantasist, what could possibly be gained from pretending otherwise. Your children will grow up having a firm grip on the realities of life, which are not all wishful thinking and fantasy. This will make them stronger and fitter to face the future, and they can concentrate on the good memories which their father left in their hearts and minds, instead of some delusion of meeting up with him again in an afterlife.

So sorry for your loss. When my Mum died, I reminded my children that energy is eternal and their grandma lived a little still with them. My daughter became convinced that she had her grandma's fingers!

I am sorry for your loss. Certainly this affects you and your children deeply along with others who knew him. Your approach is logical.

It brings to mind a FB post I saw on Mother's Day by a relative of mine. He loved his mother so much and misses her dearly. She is deceased but he cannot wait to see her again. How will he see her again? He believes the religion he was taught but does not practice it. This makes no sense but we are in a world that thinks this way.

That's a very tough decision, a balance of truth and/or kindness.

I hope you guys are coping well.