Agnostic.com

9 0

So I was at the library today.

I was sitting in a bowl-chair reading a book, and someone turned away to look at me, pointed at something they were drinking, and said "I'm sorry, is this bothering you?"

Now to give some clarification to the memory I am talking about, I hadn't uttered a word to that person, nor was I engaging them socially at all. I was simply some feet away, reading, trying to finish a rabbinic parable so I could move on to understanding the world a little bit more until my attention had been claimed by the comment.

My reply was "Do I tell anyone that I am bothered?"

She said "What?", more or less. She asked me to repeat myself.

So I said "I said, do I tell anyone that I am bothered?"

She said "No."

I then said "So I am not bothered." At that moment, I was bothered because the person had asked a dumb question-If I hadn't uttered a word to that person about their drink, then why would they assume that I was bothered, unless they were completely stupid?

It's the simplest damned thing in the world. If there is something plain to sensibility, don't assume otherwise because it's fucking dumb.

DZhukovin 7 Aug 15
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

9 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

It appears to me that she was being polite and simply asked a question. People can ask questions, whether you deem them stupid or not. I teach social skills to bright/intelligent high school students on the spectrum. The scenario you described sounds similar to one's I have witnessed with my students' interactions. They have great difficulty taking the perspective of others. They tend to use logic that comes across as rude. I teach them that in social communication these are not the best ways to interact.

0

Some people are sensitive to sounds people make: breathing, chewing, drinking, etc. It is called misophonia. Perhaps, this was such a person; and, knowing that many people who are bothered will not say anything, she just wanted to make sure the noises she was making were not bothering you?

0

Maybe today we are so afraid of offending. If I am in Walmart and other stores like it people all say "excuse me" when they walk in front of me, beside me, or behind me. This happens if we are within 4 feet of each other. Hey, we all have to walk somewhere. Nobody cut me off or walked into me and I don't own the floor. Sometimes I smile and say there is no problem. Polite is polite but I feel like people are scared to death. As far as back and forth banter I get along with everyone and that includes those who do open carry.

0

I never miss people ... with public venues being the worst. People, in order to feel secure, need to have everything appear as they think it should be, generally based on a move or shit-com. Police take that concept to another level.. If one behaves as an individual, or fails to adequately acknowledge their presence, these people feel it’s within their right to pull you into their (often fucked up) world. It gets old - fast.

I suspect crap like that is partially responsible for the ‘earbud evasion.’ It’s not that most are listening to something they feel compelled to ‘hear,’ but it gives them a visible excuse to ignore the annoying masses.. I’ll often use earplugs, then give a stupid smile to a stupid question 🙂

Varn Level 8 Aug 15, 2019
2

It sounds like she was either trying to start a conversation or, more likely, thought that she may have genuinely offended you in some way.

The fact that you were reading a rabbinic parable "in order to understand the world a bit more" tells me everything I need to know. Jesus...

@DZhukovin It's okay... It will get better. I used to be addicted to Iambic Pentameter.

I'm hip!

0

Making small talk and afraid of offending

bobwjr Level 10 Aug 15, 2019
1

sorry, but there are people who are embarrassed, or ashamed to tell people that they are suffering discomfort at their actions. Sometimes people will just give looks or make gestures. Sometimes as in maybe this case, the person just wants attention which they probably wanted by making noise like sucking through a straw at the end of the drink which will make noise. There have been many times when people were causing a disturbance to me in a library and I didn't voice my displeasure hoping the library staff would do something about it. Unfortunately, these days apparently there is no decorum required in libraries anymore, at least at my library.

lerlo Level 8 Aug 15, 2019
2

Perhaps she was just being polite ... an answer of “no, not at all” may have been a more appropriate response from you,

1

I think you did not quite get it. Seems to me that she wanted to talk to you and that was an opening for her.

@DZhukovin Ok, but it takes two to tango.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:389087
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.