I asked a question earlier about the biggest difference atheism/agnosticism has made in people's lives. I tried to respond to one comment but it was too long, so Im putting my answer here.
For me, the experience of de-converting has been a mixed bag. I'm trying to stay positive internally, but I feel like I'm trapped in this weird limbo. I'm introverted by nature and feeling like I have less in common with my community just makes me feel more isolated. It's hard work for me to be open with others, as I don't enjoy small talk and the things I want to talk about are taboo to my social circle(and in my own house). I think that's part of why I've been fighting through a bit of depression relating to my loss of faith.
I used to be the christian who thought atheism was an excuse for people who wanted to do whatever they pleased with no consequences. Holy Thor was I wrong. I have since started the process of owning every decision and action I have taken and divorcing them from the framework of divine influence. Sometimes it feels a bit overwhelming. I mean, that's 30 years of thinking I had an angel and a demon riding shotgun on my shoulders. I used to be able to blame the devil for the selfish shit I did. Ugh...now I'm just realizing I can be a selfish prick.
That said, the freedom I feel in my mind is priceless. I know I'm not crazy, and I like trying to (tactfully...so tactfully) find ways to pick at my friends and family's beliefs. Like an atheist ninja. 
I also have a wonderful opportunity in my house to allow my kids space to question and say whatever they want(as long as their mom doesn't hear)
My 5 year old came out into the kitchen tonight as I was cleaning up the dinner mess. She said "Dammit! I wanted to watch a movie and now it's too late" (sad face)
In my home as a kid, we never said anything more provocative than "gosh" or "geez", and even that was delicate depending on my fundamentalist dad's mood. Hearing "Dammit" come out of my child's mouth was almost blissful. She feels more free than I did. That's awesome.
So yeah... it's a mixed bag.
11
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7 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.You may have depression and anxiety when you are a non-believer because you are so isolated and alone. I have it all the time but I cannot go back ever. I could never bow my head and start talking to myself, or ever put my hopes and desires onto an invisible man. I could never want that mythical man to do anything to others that do not agree with me, and once I was Pentecostal. Many do not believe it and I get the usual "angry at god" responses along with other nonsense.
DenoPenno
Level 9
Sep 29, 2019
1
I was never a believer, but one thing you said stood out to me and that was when you could be selfish. Sometimes it's ok to be selfish (depending on situation). It's ok to not hang out with people who drain you or make you uncomfortable or you just plain old don't want to. I know it's hard when they were people you used to hang out with. It's ok to take time for you and it's ok to say, I'm sorry, but I'm not going to participate in religion anymore. I'm still your son/husband/friend, but I can't be part of it anymore. You don't have to explain yourself. Just be gentle and firm. It will be hard for them to understand depending on how religious they are, but if they really care about you, they will come around. And if not, it's ok to move on. Easier said than done I know, but there are others out there who do not believe or have religion as a big part of their lives.
Remi
Level 7
Sep 28, 2019
1
Good god (small g)
This sounds as hard as kicking heroin.
Are the Sunday get togethers like an AA meeting? I've never been to any kind of support group to purge me of anything, so hearing these things is very alien to me.
Makes me realize how lucky I was to have never been exposed to religion or anti-religion.
moosepucky
Level 7
Sep 28, 2019
0
It's been quite the journey for me too. One at a time, I've been letting go of additional beliefs I didn't recognize before as being religious and working through the new problems that crop up. Overall, though it's difficult, it is so rewarding because I know I'm being honest with myself for the first time in my life and that feels good. I also get little thrills that my daughter doesn't feel oppressed. I wish I could convince others but I know how hard the transition was for me and I have no desire of pushing someone toward that who isn't ready.
UpsideDownAgain
Level 7
Sep 28, 2019
2
@Nakedterror, a difficult prospect indeed friend. There are a few atheists meet ups in my area (there is even a gathering every Sunday, similar to the church services we attended in our prior religious life) that I have attended in the past. I really enjoyed the camaraderie of like mindedness. I would encourage you to seek something like that out in your own area.
Truthseeker1968
Level 6
Sep 28, 2019
1
I've done a few searches, came up empty, small town life. I could try and start my own I guess, but first need to find some people similarly unencumbered by religion.
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