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-family of 6 waiting for visitor badges at my window all talking about stuff. Then I hear "hairy beaner!" And the mom "WHAT!?" "Caribbeaner" "that's a lot different than hairy beaner" everyone besides the mom: I love hairy beaners!!!!" Dad looks at me "don't you just love hairy beaners?"

Me: I'm latina....

The entire family bursts out laughing while the mom apologizes.

How would you react to this situation?

LadyAlyxandrea 8 Mar 24
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You never know who you are talking to - it would have been an excellent teaching moment for those kids.

However sometimes I'll give people a pass if they are under a lot of stress.

I've been mistaken for every "very white and brunette" race out there. Which I never minded? Though I found it odd that people didn't instantly recognize my very French nose. lol (Albanian, Italian and Greek come to mind).

I do remember the first time someone called me a "Frog" and I'd never heard that particular slur ever - so it didn't bother me one bit. Which was infuriating for them. lol It's really nice to piss off a racist.

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so mispronouncing the C doesn't warrant mockery.

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I don't know that I am qualified, or that it is proper for me, to answer.

I am white as a ghost and male. I have become aware of my privilege and now see it out in "the wild." However, too often when I try to remark or respond, my efforts to say the right things are always, without fail, failures. Oh, the stories I could tell! It might well be why I can't get a job as a teacher (social justice is a bar to entry these days).

That said, was it mean spirited? If it was the child, how old was the child? Did mom appropriately put said child in their place?

I guess if mom had it in hand, I'd be looking at dad and asking what he though was so funny that it warranted communicating to his kids that a racial comment was not only ok, it was humorous... UNLESS, and this is hard to know, HIS reaction to extreme embarassment was to laugh (some of us do this, I SMILE in extreme stress... was awkward, and very fun, in the military).

So many factors and... well, I don't feel qualified.

Oh, and just for fun (and this might be why I get myself in trouble): I am adopted, I have Alpha Thalaseemia Minor (minor), which means I am Black, Asian or Middle Eastern in descent. Go figure. It also, theoretically, means I am immune to Malaria, and explains why I was like a fish out of water on runs (can't carry Oxygen as efficiently as others). This doesn't help, just adds to the confusion... but, the thought has occured that when SCROTUS gets his Gestapo up and running, I will bet you that they will turn to genetic testing to decide who is acceptable and who is not and I will fail that test. Paranoia indeed!

I do not believe it was meant as racism, but by not addressing it as it, shows those children 11, 14 that making racial stereotype jokes is okay, and while the mom was apologetic the dad kept pushing it, which also teaches kids to disregard women.

In the end it was a situation I was uncomfortable being part of. I have never been called a beaner outside of my own family just playfully teasing, so I did not know how to react. I'm not comfortable with people I don't know laughing and calling me a beaner, because yes it was probably meant in the same context as when my family does it, but if you don't know someone you shouldn't openly call them a racial slur. It's like the N word. Black people can call themselves it all they want, and certain white people can say it within certain circles, but you don't just go up to a black man you've never met and say it.

And many people don't realize or believe I'm Hispanic latina because I am porcelain skinned with red hair and blue eyes, but I am predominantly hispanic. I just had a weird genetic makeup that caused the two drops of Scandinavian blood to take over, so they think I won't be offended by racial jokes about Hispanics...but it should not matter what color of person you're talking to, you should just not use slurs

My Mom had Thalesemia minor. (French Mediterranean).

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I think you did just fine !

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