I quit dating, too. Either they just want to hook up, are super jesusy, or just too many red flags. It’s super frustrating, so I’ve taken a hiatus until I feel like getting out there again. Haven’t gone the online dating way yet, but I might.

Anyway, you got this! Sending you good vibes! Self-care is crucial. Good luck with the UUC!

All I can say is WOW !! To many long post for me too read , which is amusing because I love to read . As we all look at what we profess to want , happiness, connection and so on , having a clear understanding of what each thing we profess to want is worth looking for ourselves, and not trying to rely on conditioned responses and mimicking or regurgitated ideology we came across outside of ourselves. Their are people out there that will pick up on your vibe or anyone else on this thread if you are living what you want . Ask yourself ( this means anyone) what does what I want really look like ? I speculate that when we can look at some one and be attracted to what they offer the community in which they reside , and put our selfish beliefs about how they make us feel , we will come across someone that will add substance to our life . Ask those questions of self , get the answers , live the life that you would want of your companion and it’s on like Donkey Kong

Lots of insightful information:

Sounds like you are on a healthy path in the direction of "self actualization". I find there is a great freedom to not depend on the positive conformation of others to establish a level of happiness.

I agree with your "A rational mind and self sufficiency are more valuable than anything you can give yourself." This may not be the easiest world view but exercising a rational mind is the most honest.

As for the Unitarian Church:
-In my town we once had an informal atheist group that met every Sunday. One day we were all invited to the Unitarian Church as they were having an "atheist night" While there I interacted with a few of the senior Unitarian Church (a married couple) members. They were both followers of the Jewish faith so I asked them how they justified, as a good and moral act, Jephthah killing then burning his daughter to please his (their) god as Yahweh enjoys the smell of burning flesh. As this story is a part of the old testament, they defended Jephthah and their god. In addition to the two leaving their church before anyone else, this conversation did have another positive outcome. The following Sunday a one of the Unitarian members (and his wife) showed up at the weekly atheist (Starbucks) meeting place to ask me why their good friend (A young fundamentalist Christian who once in good standing dedicated her entire life to pleasing her god (the church)) but after being diagnosed with aggressive cancer, - - the first week her church family all prayed for her - but the second week when she got noticeably worse, fewer prayed for her and the third week when her illness was openly devastating her body she was told she was no longer welcomed at the church. Following this declaration, none of her church family would return her calls. She was effectively ostracized and at the time the couple asked me the question the young Christian was alone on her death bed, confused, crying, convinced that her god does not love her and asking what she did to displease her god.
My answer to the married couple was (my best guess is) in light of the futility of their prayers, it is easier (necessary to avoid cognitive dissidence.) for her church family to rationalize the young dying ex-church member must not be one of them, she must have done something that does not please their god so she, unlike them, must be evil. This was necessary to perpetuate their delusion of being the chosen ones that their god favors.

How profoundly sad.

Sadly, most in the atheist group decided to join the UU church so after a few weeks for several months later, there were only myself and one other rational thinker that showed up at Starbucks. . . when he moved out of town, there was no longer any meetings of the minds to for me, UU was the death nail in the local atheist group.

Hope you find the UU more beneficial.

Howdy, New here, Happy youve made a connection there. Cant help but think of Nicolette Larson- Lotta Love. Going through a bunch of my own shit as everyone does. I feel I can relate. I remember being in High School and hanging out with the burn outs. While i obviously didnt agree with everything all these people thought of and we all liked different things I enjoyed the rebellion as well as the commonality of the rebellion and not needing to be this or that to be able to hang out with them. I would also think Cinderellas song shelter applies as well. I think on this site even though there are some varied beliefs that there are a lot of people who respect the journey of others and the similarities regardless of the differences.