A More Corn Alert

“Papa, what are ancestors?”
“Well, my son, I’m one of yours. Your grandpa is another.”
“Oh! Then why is it people brag about them?”

The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so.

“I dreamed last night that I had invented a new type of breakfast food and was sampling it when–”
“Yes, yes; go on.”
“I woke up and found a corner of the mattress gone!”

A man, shocked by how his buddy is dressed, asks him, “How long have you been wearing that bra?” The friend replies, “Ever since my wife found it in the glove compartment.”

What did one bee say to the other bee?
Wasabi!

A guide, showing an old lady through the Zoo, took her to a cage occupied by a kangaroo.
“Here, madam,” he said, “we have a native of Australia.”
“Good gracious,” she replied, “and to think my sister married one of them.”

“Papa, what is the person called who brings you in contact with the spirit world?”
“A bartender, my boy.”

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair color have to do with my worth as a human being?” Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to stammer out an apology. “You keep out of this!” she yells. “I’m talking to that little jerk on your knee!”