Selective memory is a strange thing

Grief and loss bring out strange things in families. When my father died I discovered my eldest sister was my half sister because my brother had a snit fit over her "inheriting" from my father (whom I never knew). This over a few hundred dollars, but REALLY it was over her knowing my Father PRIOR to the Korean War, and my Brother only knowing the broken man who survived the frozen wastes there, riddled with PTSD and self medicating with far too much alcohol.

THEY need to view him through whatever lens they are in order to process his death themselves, if they are religious it will undoubtedly be a religious lens.

Yes I have been through soemthing like this I left my abusive family 55 years ago at 15y.o.And I realised how welcoming and kind other people could be - I feel I have met so many friendly strangers since leaving toxic wasters. when religious people take me ot task for not honouring father and mother I just laugh because I got free of them.

Sounds like they remember him as they wanted him to be, rather than who he was. Who knows? When you die maybe they will tell everyone you were a devout Christian, too!

I can relate to that story. I thought my head would explode when the fundamentalist preacher used my dad's funeral as a launching pad for a rant against the Theory of Evolution - after we had asked for a non-religious service. The locals had no concept of what that even meant, though his more cosmopolitan sister was as shocked as I was. My dad was a scientific-minded agnostic who said that the "I AM" would have a lot of 'splainin' to do!
However, I asked him to get a dream message back to me, if there was indeed Life After Death, and read daily for him from E.J. Gold's American Book of the Dead, just in case. After the reading about "Life is a dream within a dream - am I the dreamer or the dream?" I nodded off for a nap and actually had a vivid lucid dream within a dream, wherein I took a phone call from my dad, and then realized that it had to be a dream, as in reality he was dead. The dream continued on for a while after that, though, with me thinking I was awake. It even included a pun, where I stood at a threshold and empted my bladder - voiding upon the void (a word probably over-used in the readings)!
The message itself was not particularly meaningful: "They do organic gardening in Kenya." And so they do, but what about it? Dad was into organic gardening, but not at all into foreign aid to Africa. Obama was not yet in the news.
I told my survivors that if anyone dares to preach a fundamentalist sermon at my own funeral, I will come back and haunt them. It doesn't matter whether I believe in ghosts, as long as they do!

You can't choose your family. who do you really know?

Thank you to everyone who has commented so far for the support and giggles. I appreciate it so much! xoxo

My brother died last year. We weren't close. No one in my family is.
His kids and my sister are arranging to get "the family" together this summer to "celebrate" his life.
The thing is, though, his kids are making this into some sort of religious thing. My brother was the first in our generation to identify as atheist. Most of us followed. The sister who is helping is an atheist. Her husband is a rabid atheist. Yet, she's letting them do all this sack-cloth stuff.
They are also talking up how great the guy was. He wasn't particularly. He died alone in a pile of garbage in his own house thousands of miles from his kids and hundreds of miles from anyone else in the family.
I see no reason to pretend and I think it is pretty offensive to even suggest he was anything but what he was. He liked to argue and he didn't mince words. It is not a secret that he found religion to be total and utter bullshit.
Maybe the pretence will make his daughters feel better. I don't intend to participate. I paid my respects to him by shoveling out his house before his kids got there. It was gross and no one should have to think of their father living like that.
He helped me out when my middle child was gravely ill a few decades ago. For that, I'll always be grateful. But I'm not going to pay back the favor by celebrating a fiction. His life was interesting enough with out this nonsense.
I think I object to their interpretation of him as much as I hate seeing semi-decent furniture painted turquoise and labeled "vintage." That shit ain't right and it ain't even true.

Welcome to some reality. It is good to know where you really stand with people, I would rather deal with the truth anyday.

Religion rehab or took a course in gender, religion and violence. . .you are brave and he would be proud of your stance. . .LMAO they didn't get his message at all.

Welcome to the asylum. Enjoy your stay.
Sorry about your dad. As far as your blood relations go, I don't really consider that
to be a determining factor when deciding what "family" is.
To me, family are the people who know you best, love you anyway, and always have your back.
I've created my own. I hope you are able to do the same.

Congratulations and welcome.

I don't talk to my family either but it's because they are assholes. Your family might not call you satanic, but they'd still be them...

Let your life be the EXAMPLE. Everything else is just extraneous.

Sorry to hear it. At least most of my family are atheists. Though with notable exceptions - at least no one is too judgmental.

Just because you are related to them does not mean you have to like them, or hang out with them Do not waste your precious life being upset with people who obviously do not know you, or bother to get to know you!