I’m so sorry. This has to be incredibly difficult for you. I don’t know what to say other than I sincerely hope you find peace.

I can't imagine the pain you're in. I'm so sorry, No mother ever should have to go through what you are going through.

One of the platitudes that bothered me when my husband died was "he's not really gone." I hurt so much because I lived in the house where he passed and without a doubt then or now, he was gone.

I wish you strength. <3

I am so so sorry for your loss. I have no words.

Since losing my daughter, I have been challenged by the question: What Happens To Your Energy When You Die? Thermodynamics tells us that energy cannot be created nor destroyed. It simply changes states. So WHERE DID HER ENERGY GO? After reviewing comments on this site, I put the question out there and found the following ( [futurism.com] ) I need to internalize this.

You want a physicist to speak at your funeral. You want the physicist to talk to your grieving family about the conservation of energy, so they will understand that your energy has not died. You want the physicist to remind your sobbing mother about the first law of thermodynamics; that no energy gets created in the universe, and none is destroyed.

You want your mother to know that all your energy, every vibration, every Btu of heat, every wave of every particle that was her beloved child remains with her in this world. You want the physicist to tell your weeping father that amid energies of the cosmos, you gave as good as you got.

And at one point you’d hope that the physicist would step down from the pulpit and walk to your brokenhearted spouse there in the pew and tell him that all the photons that ever bounced off your face, all the particles whose paths were interrupted by your smile, by the touch of your hair, hundreds of trillions of particles, have raced off like children, their ways forever changed by you.

And as your widow rocks in the arms of a loving family, may the physicist let her know that all the photons that bounced from you were gathered in the particle detectors that are her eyes, that those photons created within her constellations of electromagnetically charged neurons whose energy will go on forever.

You can hope your family will examine the evidence and satisfy themselves that the science is sound and that they’ll be comforted to know your energy’s still around. According to the law of the conservation of energy, not a bit of you is gone; you’re just less orderly.

I struggled many years before I ultimately accepted the fact that I could not make choices for my child.  Heidi suffered 20 years with mental illness and made many horrible choices before she left this world.  I didn't think anything could be more painful than to witness her suffering.  But I was wrong.  Her loss is far more painful.

In an effort to relieve the pain of watching my child suffer through her life with mental illness, I read Eckhart Tolle's book "A New Earth" a few years prior to her death and was fairly accomplished in "living in the now" and accepting 'what is'.  But since she left this earth, and despite reading parts of "The Power of Now", and listening to a couple of Eckhart's audio presentations, I have not been successful in my attempts to come back to living in the moment.

I appreciate the recommendations offered in some of your responses, and assure you that I will investigate each.

So sorry for your loss. I have the mindset that things happen for a reason. We have no control or influence sometimes. It is fate. All we can do is deal with life and death. One day at a time.