I like this photo pie chart. This is an interesting chart for Sunday school and high schoolers... But what about sex? Procreation only?... What about emotional intimacy, shared intimacy acts, what do these things involve??? To me, this represents a HUGE HOLE in what people are taught to live. To me sex is FOR emotional intimacy, but far too many people have nothing but hangups about sex AND about intimacy, FAR from any inclination to actually COMBINE those two areas of ultimate vulnerability. I really hate that about our stupid "American" culture.
What about you? Does this push any of your "hot buttons"? Go ahead and sound off. I think we need to open this up for bold discussion... or are you too embarrassed?
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These days most of the slices have shrunk. For me, by far, the predominate ones are, acts of service and 'quality' time.
JackPedigo
Level 9
July 30, 2020
0
I read these a few years ago, read the dang book. My ex would bitch and moan and make a big deal about doing household repairs. One year he had to replace a fluorescent light in the laundry room, after two or three trips to the hardware store and an ongoing monologue about the difficulties he was having. Finally it was done. Sometime later I walked in the laundry room and the light went on. I made a loud comment (and he was nearby) something to the effect of "wow we have light, good job man!!" The kids saw him, he was thrilled like a kid on Xmas day. Turns out one of his needs was words of Affirmation. I always saw it as ego stroking, my attitude was "you're a competent adult, get it done." Apparently he had doubts of his competence. What I did learn from that is to express appreciation to everyone more often.
HippieChick58
Level 9
July 30, 2020
0
..shit… wears me out just reading.. Had a friend tell me, ‘when it’s right, it’s effortless.’ He’s still proving that to be true, for them. For me, when it felt right, it was effortless. But before it ended, no amount of work would/ could/ should have saved it. So go with the flow ~ till it’s gone
Varn
Level 8
July 30, 2020
1
I would make life very simple and very happy by just dividing the circle 50:50 between the two:
- Acts of service
- Physical touch
The problem now is we talk too much and don't do enough or do what it really takes to build a happy life. It is not words or flowers. Start doing things, not saying "I love you" 20 times a day. Don't talk, start doing things. If you can't, leave. Don't hang on to the partner like dead wood.
This is not rocket science and you don't need a shrink therapy to tell you this. These things will help a great deal to clear out a lot of BS in what you expect:
- Get Disney dreams out of the head, you are now a grown up
- You are not Cinderella (men or women)
- Relationships are not about rescuing you if you don't have your shit together
- Life is not like the movies
- You are not special
- There is no soul mate. You can't know your soul, nobody will know your soul. There is only a good companion while you get along
- Life is about realities - bills, budget, pragmatism, health, personal abilities/skills and responsibilities. The sooner you handle them better, the better will be the payoff
- Drop freeloaders as quickly as possible
- Your likelihood of getting a good enough match is only as good as your are. Don't expect taller, money, sexy, settled, education, intelligent if you are not any of them
St-Sinner
Level 9
July 30, 2020
0
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