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I honestly don't understand the negative sentiments towards one-word or one-sentence initial approaches on dating sites, which women have spoken out against. How is a simple online "hello" any different than a real-life "hello" approach in a bar or other public setting?

It seems to me that a "hello," whether online or in real-life, establishes interest; after which the female may either respond accordingly or ignore, depending upon her own interest level. How difficult is it for a woman to click on a man's profile, to determine whether adequate common interests exist; assuming that she is adequately attracted to his main photo?

Are women aware of the high number of written initial approaches must be sent by men, to elicit just one reply from females on dating sites... whether those approaches are very short or long-winded? As a woman, do you at least acknowledge each carefully-written initial approach, or do you completely ignore many/most of them; as a high percentage of women do?

What prompts women to feel a strong need of being made to feel special via in-depth initial approaches from strangers, logic or emotion? Does ego come into play here, or is it something else?

What is wrong with exchanging hellos first, to establish at least some level of mutual interest; for a man to then invest 30-60 minutes of his time and effort to compose a well thought-out "please consider me" message?

An inquiring mind wants to know... 🙂

CK4RBE 5 Apr 7
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27 comments

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9

"Are women aware of the high number of written initial approaches must be sent by men, to elicit just one reply from females on dating sites"

Apparently you aren't aware of the numerous (sometimes 20 emails or more) that a woman gets these one word emails a day. I do look at their profile, and the majority of the time they have NOTHING in common with me. Not only that, when I do say hello back and try to illicit a conversation, I get one or two word responses.

No thank you. I prefer not to feel like I'm begging for a conversation.

Yes! You ask a question and they answer with one word! No follow-up conversation! What’s with that? And guys don’t realize we message men and they often don’t write back either.

@CK4RBE What do you mean "some"? 99% of the guys that I respond to whether or not it's a one word or a one page stop responding when they realize that I'm not going to jump their bones (have sex) with them or send then nude pictures. I have taken my profile off all dating sites (I don't consider this site a dating site) because I'm sick and tired of the one word emails, the dick pics, and the "we're perfect for each other" email without even looking at my profile.

After a while you get jaded.

@kiramea I have never received a dick pic!

7

I’m sure a lot of women have experiences similar to my own, where they’ll join a site and immediately get bombarded with messages. Weeding through those gets tedious. I’m not going to say “hi” back to every dude that just bothers to type two letters and click send. Sorry. Lol.

If there are no guys messaging me with well-formed intros/questions, or if I’m not warm for their form, despite the extra effort, to be crass, then I’ll start checking out the “hi” guys.

You asked if it was ego. Perhaps, to an extent. But it’s more about the fact that it’s a buyer’s market. If you can’t be bothered to put effort in to the sell, then hit up a bar. Low self-esteem will jump at a “hi” and they tend to seek out the liquid courage.

I agree, and in response to “Are women aware of the high number of written initial approaches must be sent by men.”
Yes, we are, we get them. Tons of them! I couldn’t respond to every hello and still have a life. Not all guys take no thanks for an answer either and want to try and convince me that I’d be interested if I gave them a chance.

7

I'm good with a simple hello initially. I can choose to say hello back or decline. Maybe some women want to judge interest or intelligence from that initial connection. What bugs me is when I respond and there's no intelligent conversation from then on.

6

I don't respond to one word messages because they are inherently LAZY. I wrote a detailed profile for it to be READ. The least a man can do is tell me WHY he is messaging me. Otherwise, I think he's mass messaging women and would likely fuck a hole in the wall. You might think women are too choosy: this is because most men are NOT choosy at all.

Far from wanting an essay about how special I am, which is creepy, I want to know why you think we may be compatible and for you to be pleasant about it. A few lines are preferable to your life story.

A "Hello" message of one word wastes my time and yours. It is not the same as a hello in person at all. I have a ton of visual info, as well as behavioral cues, from meeting you in person. Without context, you're just a weirdo who isn't trying to connect.

6

No two women are alike. I prefer a simple approach and don't respond to multi-paragraph intros because they come off as copy and paste fakes. I really enjoy a short comment/joke that references my profile or username.

@qwertykeyboard Why? Sincerely, what is so tough about sending two lines of text telling a woman why you are contacting her? Otherwise we have to assume you don't read profiles and are "Helloing" only a picture.

5

Most women get inundated with messages from men. You wouldn’t believe how many unsolicited messages I get on social media from men that just say “Hi”, “Hey”, or strangely most often “?”. I don’t understand what response they think they’ll get. They get none from me. If I was on a dating site it would be the same. Tell her why you messaged her. Express real interest. A hi or emoji can be quickly sent to 100 women. No one wants to feel like a fish being caught in a wide net.

@CK4RBE I wouldn’t consider it ME missing out. He would be missing out ?. Especially since I’m not on dating sites and I’m married. I’m just trying to give someone a woman’s perspective .

5

I try to answer every message I get. Also I have wrote to many men on here that I found attractive and a lot of them don't respond to me. Rejection is a bitch so I give everybody the benefit of the doubt and I put myself out there.

5

A "hello" IRL comes with (usually) visual components, body language, gesture, posture, maybe smell (!)--the "hello" is like 7% of the content, and the other 93% is non-verbal.

An "online" hello is just the 7%. There's no comparison. The online world is a different world. Get used to the gravity, bub--it might be harder to navigate at first, take more effort. Don't want to sink precious minutes into crafting a thoughtful message? Get offline and hit the bars.

I bet women care about how many missed shots men have to take about as much as men care about how many unsolicited dick pix we tend to get. Not my problem--I'm saving my fucks for the crap I have to deal with.

In addition to what you said there is the context of their presentation. Just so much more information in the gestalt than the sterilility of the internet and that isnt even touching on that what a person may have written is total fantasy

Word! Only dumb men can believe their dick is the most important thing to a straight woman.

@hemingwaykitten then there are an awful lot of dumb men around.

4

When I receive a "Hello"....I check the guy's profile before responding (or not) since several factors will condition my answer.
Age, distance, level of education, children....will help me to decide whether I answer his note or not.

People should realize that "no answer" is an answer.

4

I don't get it either...I become instantly suspicious of someone who writes paragraphs & paragraphs, even in their profile. Who wants or needs all that info Right Now, or to go out with someone who vomits torrents of words about Them? Hello right back atcha, and if interested after reading your profile, I will ask a (hopefully) relevant leading question.
I do not know any women who like motormouths of either sex!

@CK4RBE thank ya, thank ya vurry much!

4

I very rarely send a private message unless I have something more to say than "hello," and most times skip the "hello" altogether. 😀

3

Any guy I might be interested in knows more than one word.

Since we share so much of our personalities, thoughts and beliefs and maybe images, already on this site, a message should at least say something specific to the target of the message, not a one word greeting, though not a book either, to show you noticed something you like about the target, and maybe a question.

This way the target knows you read their profile and posts, and doesn't wonder if you're just going down the line sending out canned greetings to everyone in your age range of interest.

3

I think when I just get Hello it seems like he just went to every profile and said Hello hoping one....any...would respond. Whereas if he said something like “I like your profile and we have some things in common (and we do!) that’s much more inviting. The worst is when they say Hello dear or sweetheart or honey. Ugh.

Norie Level 5 Apr 7, 2018
2

I think it's exceedingly lame when someone just messages me with "hey." Honestly, how am I supposed to respond to that?
It's like, did you even read my profile? Couldn't you at least say "hey I also like this thing that you listed in your profile" or something, anything! It's just lazy. I'm not asking for a novel. Just a few sentences would suffice. Shows me you're actually interested.

Remi Level 7 Apr 7, 2018

Exactly!

2

Hello is boring. It has nothing really to build on conversation wise. It always leads to 'hi. How Are you?" "Fine and you?" "Good" "that's good" ".... ........"

Be interesting. Send messages that make us think or give us an opening to a legit conversation.

i agree. Especially when the man asking doesn't have much on their profile. There isn't anything you can ask back.

There is nothing to go on and it takes very little time to ask about even one thing to prove you actually read someone's profile.

That being said, I've occasionally said hello back, and the chat proved to be just as boring, but even more painful.

2

When it comes to one word greetings, I prefer the word salutations, as it's a bit different.

2

Very good question. Patiently awaits answers....

2

I dunno. I would welcome--and have--a simple hello.

@qwertykeyboard Hi!

1

I think you are still too generous compared to how things should be! Even after a hello a man shouldn't then be forced to sell himself like a salesman; the woman and man should both be becoming more and more interested by spending quality time together. Well, look at single me talking about shoulds in dating! 😉

1

The way I see it most profiles are just lies. How do you sum yourself up in a little box?

I think most women know the type of man/woman they are interested in. So writing a plain simple hello, a simple two sentences or even a full paragraph in form of salutations is neither here nor there.

It all boils down to how she feels looking at your photo or what she feels reading your bio. Please note I used the word feel.

1

When U write to her about something she said, U R showing interest in her. When U say hello. She has no idea if U REALLY interest her..

1

I love a hello

1

Rule no1 don't try and figure them out . Rule no2 when thinking about women refer to rule 1

Sincerely, what is so tough about sending two lines of text telling a woman why you are contacting her? Otherwise we have to assume you don't read profiles and are "Helloing" only a picture.

@hemingwaykitten I totally agree I was just trying to bring some.humour

0

Seems to me the women don't want to spend hours of their time a week typing answers to men with whom they'll never even have a proper conversation.
Seems to me the men don't want to spend hours of their time a week typing responses pleading to get an answer only to receive no response or one uninterested one.
The more popular women are often flooded with messages, most of the men have trouble getting a few.
Seems to me both points of view are justified—it's just a mess of a situation when the market is so out of balance. But a good start in understanding is to see realistically the other gender's situation.

0
sometimes when you work hard it still doesnt work out
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